Feature Blogs

Favourite Quotes From The Big Lebowski!

Created on Tuesday, 12 November 2002 21:00
Written by Matthew Toomey

Last week I was talking about my successful film quote guess so I thought why not throw in some quotes this week.  But the more I thought of it, the more I found so many great quotes come from one movie.  So why not, as a tribute, pay homage to one of the most underrated films of the past decade... The Big Lebowski.  For those that have seen the film, enjoy.  For those that haven't, get it out soon!!!


Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. Bowl, drive around. The occasional acid flashback.


The Dude: F*** sympathy! I don't need your f***in' sympathy, man, I need my f***ing johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?


Jesus Quintana: What is this "day of rest" shit? What is this bullshit, man? I don't f***ing care! It don't matter to Jesus! But you're not fooling me! You might fool the f***s in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus! It's bush league psych-out stuff! Laughable, man! I would've f***ed you in the ass Saturday, I'll f*** you in the ass next Wednesday instead!

The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?


The Dude: F***in' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the f*** up, Donny.


Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the f***ing trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody f***s with the Jesus.
Walter Sobchak: Eight year-olds dude.


Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?

The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the f*** you talking about?


Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?


Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.


Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: Okay then.


Nihilist: We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.
The Dude: Excuse me?
Nihilist: I said
Nihilist: "We'll cut off your johnson"!
Nihilist: Just you think about that, Lebowski.
Nihilist: Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
Nihilist: Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.


Malibu Police Chief: I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, Jerk-Off.
[Leans over]
Malibu Police Chief: Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: I'm sorry I wasn't listening.


I could have come up with heaps more but that'll do for now!