Feature Blogs

The Worst 10 Films Of 2009


I’ve been reviewing movies since 1996 and I always love putting together my best and worst of the year lists.  This time around, I’m splitting it up into two parts.  This week, I’m going to cover my worst 10 films of 2009.  Now I know there’s still a small number of films which I’m yet to see but since I’ve chalked up 225 reviews already in 2009, I think I’m in a fair position to be able to make the call.

 

Before I kick things off, my worst film by year since I’ve been doing this have been – The Crow: City Of Angels (1996), The Stupids (1997), Tarzan & The Lost City (1998), Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999), Kevin & Perry Go Large (2000), Glitter (2001), Blurred (2002), Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever (2003), Van Helsing (2004), Fun With Dick & Jane (2005), A Sound Of Thunder (2006), Daddy Day Camp (2007) and The Love Guru (2008).

 

As always, it was tough putting this list together.  There were plenty of great movies but it seemed like there just as many bad ones.  Here then is my 2009 graduating class in order of worseness.

 

10. Dragonball Evolution

 

When I saw this film, I said to the cinema ticket selling guy – “I would regrettably like two tickets to Dragonball: Evolution”.  He laughed.  So yes, I admit to going into the film with low expectations but this is one of those cases where the book can be judged by its cover.  Based on the television series, it set a level for mediocrity that made most of the other films this year look very, very good.

 

9. Twelve Rounds

 

A guy has had his girlfriend kidnapped by some nasty people and he has to complete 12 challenges if he wants to save her.  This action flick for adrenalin junkies was directed by Renny Harlin – the man responsible for Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger.  His best days may be behind him because this delivered one of my all time pet hates – stupid, unrealistic action sequences.  I prefer story over mindless action.

 

8. My Bloody Valentine

 

My Bloody Valentine was a slasher film released over the Valentine’s Day weekend in Australia to give people an alternative (I guess) from your traditional, fluffy romantic comedies.  I wish they hadn’t.  This is as bad as a horror film can get.  Poorly acted.  No suspense.  Silly ending.

 

7. I Really Hate My Job

 

The title might sound interesting but once you start watching this, you’ll realise how wrong you were.  It's about 5 women and their one night trying to run a small restaurant.  Was there worse acting in a film this year?  It only received a tiny two week release in Brisbane cinemas but they needn’t of bothered.  It should have gone straight to DVD… or even worse.

 

6. Bride Wars

 

I saw this film with a friend and the look of disbelief on our faces when the end credits started to roll said it all.  Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson played two bitchy, selfish women who end up in an “all out” war over the date of their respective weddings.  I didn’t end up writing a full length review because I didn’t think I had enough adjectives in my repertoire to fully express just how bad it was.

 

5. Seven Pounds

 

Ok, we’re getting close to the bottom of the barrel now.  I’m not a Will Smith fan but I can usually tolerate his movies.  Until now at least.  Seven Pounds is manipulative garbage.  A man thinks he can deem himself for his wrongdoings by going on some ridiculous journey which he knows will end in his own death.  I could see the twists coming from the cinema car park.  I know a lot of people liked this but NOT ME.

 

4. Prey

 

There’s usually one Aussie film which makes my worst list and this year’s contender is Prey.  Interest in the film was high.  I saw it Saturday night at 9pm at the Palace Barracks during its opening week. I was the only poor soul in the cinema. That’s a good thing for everyone except me.  It was a horror flick starring Natalie Bassingthwaighte with some truly dreadful acting.  It has 51 votes on the IMDB with an average score of 2.2.  That says it all.

 

3. All About Steve

 

One day, Sandra Bullock is going to make an awesome movie which I will love.  I’ll then regret all the negative comments I’ve said about her.  Until that time comes, all I can do is chastise Bullock for her idiotic film choices.  I hated The Proposal (which sits just outside my worst 10 list) but All About Steve, a romantic comedy where she is paired alongside Bradley Cooper, could be her worst yet.

 

2. 2012

 

It was a split between this one and my next film to decide which was the worst of the year.  I decided I just couldn’t give that honour to a John Cusack movie.  2012 is just a farce.  One unrealistic scenario after the other with no character development.  I wasn’t even that impressed with the special effects.  If the world really did end tomorrow, I would die happily knowing that I never have to watching rubbish like this ever again.

 

1. G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra

 

I almost fell asleep while I was watching this.  I had no idea what was going on.  All I saw on screen was a blur of incoherent nonsense.  Some people will say it’s just a fun action film.  I will say it’s the worst film of 2009.  We’ve all entitled to our own opinions and yes, that’s mine.  May they never make a sequel.

 

 

I feel so vindictive after all those evil words.  I hope none of the filmmakers ever read this.  But hey, maybe they’ll bounce back and make some really awesome movies in the future.  Maybe.  Perhaps they’ll end up living in a ditch.  Damn, there I go again.  Must stop it.