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Matt's 2004 Oscar Gambling & Awards Summary

 

Well that would certainly be one of the most lifeless, boring Oscar ceremonies ever held.  Every single favourite got up amongst the big six awards.  Rings swept most with a ridiculous 11 Oscars which ties the record for the most ever.  Also astonishing considering the film didn’t receive a single acting nomination.  Not sure if it deserved to win every one though.  The credibility Academy members gained last year for their surprise choices has been lost in 2004.

 

Financially, I can’t complain.  My $50 worth of roughie bets produced nothing but my $250 on Sean Penn netted me $450 and an overall Oscars profit of $150.  I can sum up my Oscars gambling history as follows:

 

1996 – profit of $750

1997 – profit of $300 (cumulative profit $1,050)

1998 – loss of $250 (cumulative profit $800)

1999 – loss of $250 (cumulative profit $550)

2000 – profit of $620 (cumulative profit $1,170)

2001 – loss of $190 (cumulative profit $980)

2002 – profit of $480 (cumulative profit $1,460)

2003 – profit of $275 (cumulative profit $1,735)

2004 – profit of $150 (cumulative profit $1,875).

 

So a $1,875 profit from the last nine years ain’t too bad.  The total bets I have placed add up to $3,020 so the profit margin is a cool 62% over nine years.  Is that better than bank interest?  Glad to see Sean Penn finally win too.  It’s ironic that Penn won in his 4th attempt and his first nomination came back in 1996 – the first year I started gambling on the Oscars.

 

So yeah, the winners in a quick recap were:

Best Actor – Sean Penn (Mystic River)

Best Actress – Charlize Theron (Monster)

Best Supporting Actor – Tim Robbins (Mystic River)

Best Supporting Actress – Renee “get lost” Zellweger (Cold Mountain)

Pretty Much Every Other Award – The Return Of The King

 

In what’s a record for me, I correctly predicted 19 out of the 24 awards.  The only 5 I got wrong were best supporting actress (I was a fool for tipping an upset), best adapted screenplay, best documentary feature, best original song and best animated short film.  Most people would have had a high success rate too with the Rings sweep.  I picked it to win 10 awards but was off by 1.  My 19/24 is definitely the best I’ve had in a while.  My recent scores have been 12/24 in 2003, 10/24 in 2002 and 12/23 in 2003.

 

Now as for my pick the Oscars competition, it certainly was a high standard to match.  Last year 2/5 would have won you the competition.  This year, two entrants picked 5/5 and another five entrants got 4/5.

 

The two with the perfect score were Craig Rogers and Tom Granger.  So it came down to the tie-breaker question of how old the best picture presenter would be.  Steven Spielberg was the man and he’s 57 years of age.  So Craig was closest to the mark with his answer of 66.  Tom’s answer was well, um, “Nikki Wesbter”.  Nikki was born in 1987 which makes her just 16.  Tom certainly wins funniest entry but Craig takes the double movie pass.  Congratulations to Craig.

 

He joins Matt Gordon (2001), Matt McDonough (2002), Sam Dagan (2003) as winners of Matt’s Oscars Competition.  Craig and Tom are actually the first ever to record a 5/5 score.  Also worth noting is the fact that three entrants this year got the presenter’s age spot on – 57.

 

Apart from Penn’s win (which earned him a standing ovation), the only other highlight I can recall was watching Jack Black and Will Ferrell present the award for best song.  Now they truly were funny.  Billy Crystal was not.

 

So there we go for another year.  Dull and dreary.  I picked four out of the five best picture nominees back in November 2003 and correctly predicted all six major winners before the nominations even came out.  Please tell me there’s some more excitement in store for 2005.

 

Until the award season begins again, it’s over and out from the red carpet.

 

 

I received some flak last week for my criticism of Billy Crystal at the Oscars.  I still stand my decision that he was below par.  I’ve seen him much better.  Also, having seen Steve Martin last year, I know that Martin is the best man for the job and no one can compete with him.

 

So to find some evidence to support my viewpoint, here’s a selection of the some of the great Martin lines from last year’s telecast.  You’ll surely agree that they are heaps funnier and edgier than anything Crystal could offer.

 

“You probably noticed there was no fancy red carpet tonight.  That’ll send them a message.” (sarcastically referring to the fact the war in Iraq at the time)

 

“By the way, the proceeds from tonight’s Oscar telecast, and I think this is so great, will be divvied up among huge corporations.”

 

Halle Berry is here.  And notice, I am standing exactly 22 feet away from Halle Berry – in compliance with the court order.”

 

“Jack Nicholson and Merry Street made Oscar history.  It was backstage and it wasn’t pretty.  It’s been a big year for Jack – he also got in a hot tub with Kathy Bates.  But hey, who hasn’t?”

 

“You know I’ve just realized that hosting the Oscars for the second time is like making love to a woman for the second time.  I guess.”

 

“Now there were smaller movies too this year.  There was a movie called Secretary about a woman who is humiliated by her boss, is spanked and has to crawl on her knees and carry manila folders in her teeth.  And they say that there are no parts for women.”

 

“Things are financially tough all over so right now, you should do what Tom Cruise does.  At the end of each week, he takes a million dollars and he just puts it away, like it’s not even there, whether it’s been a good week or a bad week.  And then at the end of the year, you’ve got a little cushion.”

 

“Roman Polanski is here.  Get him!”

 

“A movie star is many things.  They can be tall, short, thin or skinny.”

 

“We worship them, we idolize, and yes, sometimes we’re annoyed with them.  Like when they shoot their wives.”

 

“Remember, there are no losers tonight.  But we’re about to change all that.”

 

“If you’d like a transcript of this show, simply write down every word we say.”

 

“Will the owner of a 1972 El Camino, with a dent in the left fender, and a broken side view mirror… Oh my god this is just too sad to go on.”

 

“Now our next presenter is an actor with talent, looks, charm and success.  In other words, next stop rehab.”

 

“That memorial tribute was so wonderful.  Gosh I hope I’m up there one day.  Later, we’re dong a montage of people you think are dead but aren’t.”

 

“When I heard that Richard Gere was not nominated for his great performance in Chicago, I said to myself ‘welcome to my world Richard Gere’”.

 

“I have so many people to thank tonight but especially Steven Spielberg.  Why?  Because it can’t hurt.”

 

Steve Martin 1.  Billy Crystal 0.