Long Time Dead


Directed by: Marcus Adams
Written by: Titan Arouse, Chris Baker, Daniel Bronzite, Andy Day
Starring: Joe Absolom, Lara Belmont, Melanie Gutteridge, Lukas Haas, James Hillier
Released: September 5, 2002
Grade: C-

This film is an absolute disgrace.  It’s a low budget English teen horror flick that looks like it’s been made by a bunch of Year 9 media students.  That be a little harsh but it’s certainly not worthy of any kind of release in any kind of cinema.

I went looking for the film’s official website but there isn’t one.  I guess the makers are doing everything they can to conceal their identify from the thousands of people who will see this film and then harass them asking for their money and time back.  That’s what I planned on doing anyway.

There’s about eight characters who get together and try to summon dead spirits with a Ouija board.  All in fun, they conjure up something very scary, which they later learn to be a powerful demon.  The only way the demon can return to its world is to kill those that brought him into this one and so the film goes from there...  Some get killed off early but others make it into the closing scenes for the final battle.

I knew none of the cast except for Lukas Haas, who is a prominent supporting actor in the United States.  I knew none of the crew.  Period.  It’s all a very lame production made straight out of a Hollywood textbook with every cliché imaginable.  Insulting really.

Only a handful of people were brave enough to take on this film.  I’ve never once walked out on a film but this is about as close as I’ve come.  I spent the last half-hour talking with the friend next to me about how bad a film could possibly be.  Boy it felt good to be out of there.  Long Time Dead may be the name of the film but it’s also how one would feel to be watching it.