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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 15 April 2012

The French Film Festival recently wrapped its tour of Australia and now, as has become a tradition, a select few of the films will be released more widely across the country.  The beautiful Goodbye, First Love is already in cinemas and it has now been joined by Romantics Anonymous – ideal of those looking for a silly, light-hearted perspective on love.

Jean-René (Poelvoorde) is the hapless owner of a boutique chocolate-making business.  He believes in the delicious chocolate being produced in his small factory but it seems his customers do not.  They’re tired of the traditional offerings and sales are drying up.

The answer to his prayers is Angélique Delange, a young chocolatier (Carré) who turns up at the factory in response to a job offer.  She initially comes on board as a salesperson and tries to persuade retailers to stock the products from this ailing brand.  It turns out that she will be far more valuable than anyone realises.  Her creativity in the kitchen and her intimate knowledge of chocolate will create a new product line that may yet save the business.

It’s not going to be that easy however.  These two characters have fallen in love but have absolutely no idea how to express their feelings for each other.  Everyone around them can see what’s going on but Jean-René and Angélique refuse to open up.  He’s seeing a psychiatrist for advice and she’s attending a self-help group entitled Romantics Anonymous.  Put simply – they’re hopeless!

It’s a fairly simple story and the film clocks in at just 80 minutes.  The whole over-the-top nature of the scenario was fun for a while but it wears thin during the later stages.  It’s hard to sit there and watch them continually act like clueless morons.  Their ridiculous first date in a restaurant left me wondering if I was watching the dumbed down French equivalent of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Whilst I hoped there would be a little more substance, I still found myself caught up in the charm of this farce.  Benoît Poelvoorde and Isabelle Carré deserve praise for their leading performances.  Their characters are completely neurotic and part of me wanted to get up and slap them across the face… but they’re hard not to like given their innocence and insecurities.

We all know what it’s like to fall in love – I just hope that we never have to make it this difficult for ourselves!

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 04 April 2012

Thirteen years ago, if I mentioned the term “American Pie”, most would think of the 1971 folk song performed by Don McLean.  The beautiful lyrics recounted the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper in 1959.  My dad played the song quite often and the chorus will be forever stuck in my head.

How times have changed.  Nowadays, “American Pie” is perhaps more widely known as a long-running and successful movie franchise aimed squarely at a younger crowd.  It all began with a nerdy guy in high school sticking his you-know-what into a warm apple pie.

The original (which made more than $100m at the box-office) was followed by two theatrical sequels and four direct-to-DVD releases.  I have to confess that I haven’t seen any of the direct-to-DVD stuff.  As the only person to feature in all of the movies, I asked Eugene Levy (aka Jim’s Dad) about the direct-to-DVD stuff and he admitted that he hasn’t seen them either!  It was a surprisingly honest answer.

Fans of the series will be happy to know that a little more effort has been put into American Pie: Reunion.  For starters, all of the original cast members have returned.  Perhaps they wanted to catch up and perhaps they needed the pay cheque.  I’m not too fazed.  Secondly, and most importantly, they’ve written a script.  It’s not the greatest but it will provide enough laughs for those who enjoyed the earlier films.

The title speaks for itself when it comes to the premise.  All the characters have returned to East Great Falls for their high school reunion.  They’ve flown into town a few days before the official reunion so they can spend time together and relive their fun-filled teenage years.  They’re all putting on a brave face… but we quickly learn that they haven’t moved on to bigger and better things.  Each of them has problems when it comes to love and/or work.

Don’t worry though.  This isn’t a depressing, brooding drama.  It’s filled with the same politically-incorrect humour that we’ve come to expect (like it or not) from the American Pie franchise.  The father-son chats between Eugene Levy and Jason Biggs will leave you cringing.  Sean William Scott (as Stifler) hasn’t changed at all and his relentless pursuit of the opposite sex will shock and offend.  A well-timed piece of nudity will also catch many off guard.

My thoughts on the film can be summed up using the metaphor of a high school reunion.  It was nice to catch up with these people but I grew tired in the later stages and remembered why we haven’t stayed in touch.  These characters didn’t have many exciting stories to tell and I was hoping for more from the screenplay as a whole.  The subplots involving Chris Klein, Mena Suvari, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid and Eddie Kaye Thomas have little to offer.

It would appear this marks the end of the American Pie series and so I must finish on a positive note and say that it’s been a great ride.  I can still remember seeing the original back in 1999 and it inspired the name of my website – The Film Pie.  If only my site was as popular!

You can read my interview with star Eugene Levy by clicking here.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 11 April 2012

There’s a scene midway through Battleship where star Taylor Kitsch is looking at a dead alien that has been brought aboard his ship.  Another alien suddenly blasts through the cabin wall, picks up his compatriot and disappears into the distance.  Taylor turns and says “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Several people in the audience started laughing.  Then others started laughing at those who were laughing.  The question I’m now asking myself – was this the intention of director Peter Berg?  Were we supposed to be entertained by the horrendously cheesy dialogue?  If so, couldn’t they have dusted off Arnold Schwarzenegger for the leading role and let us know from the outset that it’s a comedy?

For those interested, the wafer-thin premise revolves around Alex Hopper (Kitsch), an immature 26-year-old with a life that is going nowhere.  After he is arrested for drunkenly breaking into a convenience store, his older brother forces him to join the U.S. Navy.  You’d think the discipline would have done him some good but nope, that’s not the case.  He’s still a selfish individual who cares only for himself.

A few years pass and Alex somehow rises to the rank of lieutenant but it seems his time is finally up.  While out at sea on a routine exercise, he stupidly ends up in a bathroom brawl with a fellow officer.  Vice Admiral Shane (Neeson) has had enough and informs Alex that he’ll be sacked from the navy when they return to shore.  Oh and wait for this – Alex just so happens to be dating the Vice Admiral’s daughter (Decker) and was about to ask for her hand in marriage before things went pear shaped.

You can forget about the back story once the aliens arrive.  The script is thrown out the window and we’re treated to a mindless, trashy action-fest.  It’s like watching a video game.  Why are the aliens there?  What are they trying to communicate back home?  Why do they blow stuff up but choose not to kill certain humans?  Why do they have a weakness (which I won’t spoil) that makes no sense considering where they came from?  No answers are provided.

Through a series of convenient plot devices, the irresponsible Alex finds himself captaining the only naval ship that has a chance of defeating the aliens.  The world rests on his shoulders and you should have a fair idea about how it’ll pan out.

It’s been exploited time-and-time again but there’s still life in the “alien invasion” genre.  We’ve seen this in the past decade with great films such as Cloverfield, Super 8, Monsters, War Of The Worlds, District 9 and Signs.  They’re the pick of the bunch because of their intriguing stories and the fact they offer something a little different.

That’s not the case with Battleship.  There's nothing original in the script from brothers Jon and Erich Hoeber (Red) and they've failed to create any interesting characters despite a running time of more than two hours.  Further, many subplots are underdeveloped.  We are treated to obligatory scenes involving politicians / officials sitting around a table but for what purpose?  I’d say the same about the romance between Alex and the Vice Admiral’s daughter.

I consider this to be one of year’s worst but there are two positives worth mentioning.  In her acting debut, Rihanna’s strong, feisty performance as a weapons specialist shows her potential as an actor.  Equally impressive is Hamish Linklater (The New Adventures Of Old Christine) who provides the film with its only (intended) laughs as an insecure scientist.  These two characters are far more exciting that the dreary, monotone Taylor Kitsch (John Carter) and the surprisingly absent Liam Neeson (The Grey).

Battleship is being released in most of the major markets this weekend – here in Australia as well as in the United Kingdom, France, Germany and Japan.  Notice anything missing from that list?  Despite being a big Hollywood blockbuster with a $200m budget, the film isn’t being released in the United States and Canada for another 5 weeks.  If anyone can tell me why, I’m all ears.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 28 March 2012

I went to the cinemas last night and hoped to see a great movie.

The Lorax, from the trailer, well it looked kind of groovy.

It’s set in a beautiful place where everyone seems happy.

They don’t realise they’re being controlled by a rather nasty chappie.

He’s erected huge metal walls that line the city’s borders.

No one may leave as per his very strict orders.

A young lad named Ted has managed to sneak out however.

Sliding past the guards and hidden cameras, he is actually quite clever.

Ted’s trying to impress a girl and solve a puzzling mystery.

It seems the city has never planted any trees in its short history.

His journey takes him to a shabby looking house in a desolate location.

It’s home to a lonely stranger who isn’t too keen on visitation.

His name is the Once-ler and he has an important story to share.

Once upon a time, he had dreams of becoming a successful millionaire.

He cut down every tree in the forest and used them for his own financial gain.

But when it was all said and done, all he was left with was pain.

So who is this furry Lorax that is mentioned in the film’s title?

Voiced by Danny Devito, his character isn’t all that vital.

I’ve been disappointed with so many animated films over the past year.

They’re lacking in terms of adventure – of that I’m quite clear.

I realise Dr Seuss’s beloved novel has been extremely well read.

But the simplicity of this story left me scratching my head.

There are only a few laughs and the characters aren’t that exciting.

I much preferred Kung Fu Panda will all its action and fighting.

I confess that the huge U.S. box-office has left me somewhat confused.

Perhaps I’m off the mark and the reality is that others will be more enthused.

The well-rounded cast includes Zac Efron, Taylor Swift and Betty White.

I’d love to say how amazing they are but meh, they’re only all right.

The Lorax is the fourth feature film to have come from a Dr Seuss book.

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is my favourite and is well worth a look.

If you disagree with my opinion then I’m more than happy to discuss.

I’m sticking by my grading however – which I can now reveal is a C plus.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 04 April 2012

The Prime Minister’s Press Secretary, Patricia Maxwell (Thomas) is woken in the middle of the night with bad news coming out of Afghanistan.  There’s been a bombing at mosque and the negative press will only add further fuel to the debate that the UK should pull their troops out of the war.  She storms into the office the next morning and demands that her staff find a good news story from the Middle East to help push public sentiment in the other direction.

She stumbles across a very bizarre story.  A wealthy sheik (Waked) in Yemen is trying to introduce salmon fishing into his country.  He has hired a consultant with the curious name of Harriet Chetwode-Talbot (Blunt) to research its viability.  It leads Ms Chetwode-Talbot to the office of British fisheries expert Fred Jones (McGregor) but she doesn’t get the answer she was hoping for.  Mr Jones laughs at the absurdity of the idea and quickly shows her the door.

That’s not the end of it however.  The Prime Minister’s Office is keen for this to happen and still seeks the positive publicity (for reasons not made clear).  Money is no barrier for the sheik and Ms Chetwode-Talbot and Mr Jones are forced to team up and find a way forward.  Oh, and I should mention that a romantic connection develops between them.  Oh, and she also has a boyfriend who is in the army but he’s missing in action in the Middle East.

I know a few people who are fans of this film and they seemed to take it as a light hearted romantic comedy.  I saw things from different perspective.  In fact, I don’t know what the film wanted to be.  If it intended to be a rom-com, why did we need the moronic subplot involving Kristin Scott Thomas and the Prime Minister’s Office?  I’ve seen Bond villains that were more realistic and I hated her character from the opening scene.

There’s another poorly developed subplot involving that involves the sheik arguing with locals about his crazy proposal and preaching about the importance of faith.  It typifies the predictable, force-fed nature of the whole story.  It’s all black and white with no grey in between.

As for the romance… call me cold hearted but I didn’t buy into it either.  I had no issues with the charming Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada) but I found Ewan McGregor’s character too nerdish and boring.  Could it have been improved with a different actor in the role?  I’m not entirely convinced but am leaning towards yes.

I can’t fault the pedigree of the filmmakers with Lasse Hallstrom (The Cider House Rules) sitting in the director’s chair and Simon Beaufoy (Slumdog Millionaire) responsible for the screenplay.  For whatever reason, they haven’t been up to the challenge of bringing Paul Torday’s novel to the big screen.  It’s silly, it’s corny and it’s not for me.