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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 15 November 2007

I just saw Inland Empire.  But did I really see it?  Maybe I just imagined it.  How do I know?  What if it was all just a dream?  Then how would I be writing this review right now?  But maybe I’m not writing this review right now?  But then how would you be reading this review right now?  Maybe you’re dreaming?  How do you know for sure?  Maybe you’re hallucinating?  How do you know for sure?  Maybe you’re part of a world where rabbits talk and appear in television sitcoms?  How do you know for sure?

Confused?  I hope so.  I’m trying to recreate the experience of watching Inland Empire.  Nothing makes sense.  People appear and disappear.  The leading character (played by Laura Dern) looks different in almost every scene.  Her name is always changing – is it Nikki or Sue?  I understood the first half hour but beyond that, I have absolutely no idea what this film is about or what it is trying to say.  To make matters worse – it’s three mind-numbing hours long!

It begins with an actress (Dern) scoring a leading role in a major new movie.  On the first day of shooting, she finds out that the film is actually a “remake”.  The original film was never released though because it was never completed.  Both the male and female lead were murdered during production.  Apparently they were warned by some Polish gypsy that the film was “cursed”.

So what else is in this movie?  There are some strange musical numbers involving a group of prostitutes.  There is a girl who watches TV and cries.  There are people with blurred faces.  There is a woman with an ice-pick stuck in her stomach.  There are mysterious locations that change a lot.  There are explained flashes of light.  There are scenes with subtitles.  There is no order in the way that events unfold.  Oh yeah, and there’s the walking, talking rabbits.

Writer-director David Lynch’s last major film was Muholland Dr.  It was my favourite film of 2002.  It was similarly creative in terms of its structure but I was able to follow the story and the loved the challenge of trying to figure it all out.  Inland Empire goes too far.  It’s overly random and there isn’t enough plot.  I liked this comment from critic Margaret Pomeranz on the most recent episode of At The Movies – “I believe that he just made this up as he went along and it shows.  It's like it's a wank.”

I’m not as harsh as Margaret and I think Lynch deserves a little credit for his artistry.  In a world where so many movies feel the same, Lynch has come up with something that people will remember (for better or worse).  He has also conjured a brilliant performance from Laura Dern, one of Hollywood’s most underrated actresses.

When it comes down to the crunch however, how can I possibly recommend this?  Do you really want to give up three hours (plus trailers) of your life to watch something that you have no chance of understanding?  I could think of better alternatives.  Unless of course this is all a dream…

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 07 November 2007

This isn’t my kind of movie.  It’s a G-rated Disney flick that panders to the audience and makes no sense at all.  It’s predictable, formulaic, cliché-ridden, etc, etc, etc.  That said, I respect the film for what it offers.  There’s a market for this type of movie and judging from the box-office returns, a lot of people have liked it.

It centres on an ageing football named Joe Kingman (Johnson) who is the star quarterback for the Boston Rebels.  The most important person in Joe’s world is himself.  He loves watching himself on television has pictures of himself on the walls of his luxury apartment.  I wouldn’t call him arrogant but I don’t think he’s someone I’d be friends with.

Out of the blue, an 8-year-old girl turns up at his doorstep and proclaims to be his daughter.  Her name is Peyton (Pettis) and after some quick background checks, Joe realises that she’s telling the truth.  He didn’t even know he had a daughter.  Young Peyton tells Joe that her mother has gone on an overseas trip and that he has to look after her for a month.

This doesn’t sit well with Joe who is trying to focus for the upcoming play-offs.  He’s trying to win a championship ring for the first time.  He takes her in however and over the next month, his world will be turned upside down.  She maybe a handful to take care of but Joe learns a valuable lesson in the process.

I’m sure there are quite a few viewers who will find this funny and entertaining.  It’s squarely aimed at a family audience.  The jokes are easy to get and the story is easy to follow.  There may not be any realism but you can always rely on the excuse that “this is only a movie”.

I found it to be pretty standard in that there are no real surprises and you get what you expect.  If you’ve seen the trailers/ads and liked the look of it, you’ll probably enjoy it.  So whilst I was bored to death by most of film, I’ll cut it some slack given that I’m not part of the target demographic.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 11 November 2007

Elizabeth was regarded one of the best films of 1998.  It was nominated for seven Academy Awards including best picture (which it lost to Shakespeare In Love).  It told the story of Queen Elizabeth’s ascension to the English throne in the mid 16^th Century.  She was just 25 years old at the time.  Many Catholics despised Elizabeth as she was England’s first Protestant queen.  Others disliked the fact that she was unmarried and refused to produce an heir.  They were turbulent times but Elizabeth held firm and defeated her adversaries.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age takes us forward a few decades.  Time has passed and new enemies have emerged.  Elizabeth’s cousin, Mary, Queen Of Scots, is plotting to take the throne.  Her Catholic supporters believe that she is true Queen and that Elizabeth must be assassinated.

Believe it or not, there are bigger worries for Elizabeth.  Spain has assembled a huge army and they are preparing to attack.  The advice from her aides is that England will not have the military strength to defeat Spain.  The strain of the situation is taking its toll on Elizabeth.  She is struggling to find hope.

It’s a fascinating period of history but Shekhar Kapur’s film makes it all look rather boring.  The story doesn’t flow – it’s as if we’re watching fragments only.  It’s not often I say this but I think this movie should have been up to an hour longer.  Not enough time is spent on Mary, Queen Of Scots nor the Spanish invasion.

Instead of focusing on the juicy stuff, the film gets bogged down looking at Elizabeth’s friendship/ relationship with explorer Walter Raleigh.  Caught in the middle is one of her long-time confidants, Elizabeth Throckmorton, who also has an interest in Raleigh.  Yawn.

No effort has been spared in transporting us back a few centuries.  The costumes and set decoration all look superb.  The performances are also solid – Cate Blanchett displays her talent by going through a variety of mood swings.  It’s also nice to see young Australian actress Abbie Cornish (Somersault) getting her chance to shine in a big-time movie.

The best part of the film is the action packed final half hour.  Just make sure you stay awake for it.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 04 November 2007

A successful painter (Auteuil) from Paris has returned to his childhood home in the French countryside.  It’s allowed him to get away from his wife, who is looking to divorce him.  He is also hoping that the beauty and serenity of the area will help him get over his “painter’s block”.  He’s looking for inspiration.

There is a small vegetable garden at the home which has become overrun with weeds.  The painter hires a gardener to plant some new crops and bring it back to its former glory.  When the gardener arrives on the first day, memories come flooding back.  It turns out that they were good friends at school and haven’t seen each other in roughly 40 years.

Three times a week, the gardener pays a visit to the painter to help look after the growing vegetables.  Each time, the pair reflect on their past and talk as if they’d been best friends for ever.  They may have different backgrounds and different personalities but being in each other’s company has given them both something to feel happy about.

Conversations With My Gardener is a simple film about the power of friendship.  Much of the film is spent listening to these two guys talk about a range of simple things.  There’s the baker from the village who just died.  There’s the painter’s daughter who is marrying a man old enough to be her father.  There’s the annual 3-day trip to Nice that the painter takes with his wife each year.

I think this is one of the finest French films of the year and two touching performances are turned in by Daniel Auteuil (Hidden) and Jean-Pierre Darroussin (A Very Long Engagement).  A benchmark I often use at the cinema is how many times I look at my watch during the movie.  The enjoyed the interaction between these two characters and I can happily report that I looked at my watch just twice (that’s a lot less than normal).  It meets the definition of a “feel good” movie.

I understand that this film won’t be for everyone.  There’s no violence, no horror, no sex and no nudity.  What it does have though… is my recommendation (for what it’s worth).

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 November 2007

I wasn’t expecting much walking into the cinema but Rogue turned out to be pretty decent movie.  You have to understand my reluctance.  An Australian film about a monster crocodile didn’t exactly wet my appetite.  It looked like one of the formulaic, unrealistic thrillers that emanate from Hollywood (only made on a smaller budget).

I should have had faith in the director, Greg McLean.  McLean made one of the scariest films ever made – 2005’s Wolf Creek.  It was the story of three backpackers who were kidnapped by a vicious psychopath in the Australian outback.  Unlike most other Australian flicks, it made an impact in the international marketplace.  It took in more than $16m in the United States, more than any other Australian film in the past 5 years.

Rogue isn’t as good as Wolf Creek but it still provides a few thrills.  The opening half-hour sees us introduced to characters.  They are all aboard a small boat which is taking them on a tour of a river in the Northern Territory.  As the tour guide, Kate (Mitchell) tells them all about the vicious salt-water crocodiles that swim in these waters.  Some are worried but Kate tells them that they have nothing to fear – they won’t attack anything as big as their boat.

Guess what?  She’s wrong.  The boat is smashed from underneath by an extremely large crocodile.  It starts taking on water and they crash into a small rocky island in the middle of the river.  This leaves them stranded.  The boat can’t be fixed, the radio isn’t working and flares were washed away.  They can’t even sit tight and wait to be rescued.  The tide is rising and within a few hours, the island will be completely underwater.  They’re going to have to find a way to get to the river bank without being eaten first.

With the scenario established, it’s now time to see who lives and who dies.  It’s not as predictable as you might think.  The fate of several characters did not pan out as I’d expected.  I say this as positive because when it comes to this type of movie, the most important think is to keep the audience on their toes (that’s if you can overlook the implausible scenario and cheesy dialogue).

There are a few notable actors amongst the cast.  They include Radha Mitchell (Finding Neverland), Sam Worthington (Gettin’ Square) and Michael Vartan (One Hour Photo).  John Jarratt (who starred in Wolf Creek) is almost unrecognisable as one of the tourists aboard the boat.  They won’t be wining any awards for their performances but they will help boost the film’s profile both in Australia and abroad.

Look, you won’t be blown away by this movie but if you like a bit of suspense, there should be just enough to satisfy.