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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 20 July 2006

Luc (Do) lives in Sydney with his 11-year-old sister, Anne (Saggers).  Their mother passed away several years ago and Luc has been struggling to look after both Anne and himself.  His main problem is that he can’t find a job.  As a result, Centrelink is cutting back his dole payments and social services officer Alison Berry (Karvan) is threatening to place Anne is a foster home.

If I’m supposed to feel sympathetic towards Luc, the filmmakers have not done a good job.  There’s a scene early in the film where Luc goes for a job interview as a car salesman at a Holden dealership (note the product placement).  He is completely out of his depth and it’s no surprise that he doesn’t get the position.  I feel that Luc could have gotten a job and fixed his life is he simply aimed a little lower.  I think Peter Costello might also have qualms with Luc’s story given Australia’s record low unemployment levels.

Economics aside, Luc and his rugby league playing friends see an advertisement for an upcoming competition.  It is called the Holden Cup (note more product placement) and first prize is a new Holden ute.  They decide to enter the competition with the hopes of winning the ute and using the proceeds from its sale to get their lives back on track.   In the words of commentator Matthew Johns, it’s “fairytale stuff”.

It culminates with a grand final showdown against a team of NRL legends.  Luc’s team will battle Bradley Clyde, Gary Larson, Cliff Lyons, Rod Wishart and Brett Kenny to decide the champion.

Footy Legends is a film which doesn’t know what it wants to be.  It moves back-and-forth between the genres of light-hearted comedy and emotional drama.  As is the case with many other sporting flicks, the football sequences are hard to believe.  Take the first game for example.  They look completely outclassed and yet they score a try in the final seconds to draw the game.

I feel guilty knocking a low-budget Australian film and whilst I do my best to support the Australian film industry, I can’t recommend Footy Legends.  After the preview screening I attended, I overheard an elderly couple talking.  The husband said to his wife “well I’m glad that was a free one”.  My sentiments exactly.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 July 2006

A thirty something year old photographer named Jeff (Wilson) has befriended a 14-year-old girl named Hayley (Page) in an internet chat-room.  The two agree to meet for the first time at a nearby coffee shop.  On Hayley’s insistence, the pair head back to Jeff’s house and you’ll start to fear for her safety.

Very few films have dealt with the issue of paedophilia.  Mysterious Skin, which was released last year, is one of the few good examples.  After watching the above introduction, I thought Hard Candy would be an interesting movie.  I was certain that it would explore the delicate subject matter and give the audience plenty to think about.  How wrong I was.

Without spoiling too much, Hayley gets the upper hand and takes control of the situation.  She has been playing Jeff and wants to punish him for what he is trying to do.  This makes the film utterly ridiculous.  If you’d like some more adjectives, try implausible, silly and farcical.

I have never met a 14-year-old person who speaks and thinks so intelligently.  For most of the film, she is incredibly calm.  Not only does she defeat Jeff mentally, she also overpowers him physically is some scenes.  How is this remotely possible?

The bottom line is that instead of a serious film about paedophilia, we are forced to watch a lame revenge flick.  What’s the point?  Will people feel better watching a paedophile get what he deserves?  Shouldn’t we be equally worried about the 14-year-old psychopath?  The ending itself makes no sense.  I’d love to see what happened after the final scene because it wouldn’t be as clear cut as the ending implies.

In case you’re wondering, the actress who plays Hayley is of legal age.  She’s 19-year-old Ellen Page and you might remember her from the recent X-Men: The Last Stand.   Jeff is played by Patrick Wilson who was last seen in The Phantom Of The Opera.  They “dominate” the film with only three other people listed in the closing credits.

Hard Candy is rated R in Australia for its high level sexual themes and high level violence.  This will prevent anyone under the age of 18 from seeing it.  If you’re over 18, you’ll need to use your own willpower to stay away.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 18 July 2006

In most “cop” movies, razor sharp detectives solve crimes and capture criminals with enthusiastic fervour.  This is not the case in 16 Blocks.  Police officer Jack Mosley (Willis) is a tired, forlorn figure who has no passion whatsoever.  He mumbles when he speaks, he walks with a limp and he goes about his day as if every task is a laborious chore.  Jack was once a high profile cop but those days are long behind him.

At his precinct, Jack has little respect.  He’s continually given dead-end assignments by his boss and the latest sees him escorting a petty criminal from his jail cell to the courthouse.  The prisoner’s name is Eddie Bunker (Def) and he is required as a witness at a separate court hearing.

On leaving the station, Jack learns that Eddie is no ordinary person and that this is no ordinary assignment.  In two hours time, Eddie is scheduled to testify against Frank Nugent (Morse), Jack’s former partner and one of the most corrupt police officers in the force.  If you can connect the dots, you’ll realise where this is heading.  Frank has no intention of letting Eddie speak and will use his goons to ensure Jack’s passenger never reaches his destination.

There is one flaw in Frank’s plan and his name is Jack Mosley.  Awoken from years of slumber, Jack takes a surprising stand against the corruption which has engulfed his profession.  He will put his life on the line to get Eddie to the courthouse on time.

Bruce Willis has been well cast in a role which makes good use of his raspy voice.  His sickly appearance and lack of interest made me appreciate my own life a little more.  The weakest link is actor David Morse (The Green Mile) who has nothing to work with as the stereotypical bad guy.  His character is always popping up at the right time and speaks with thoughtless confidence.

It’s a moderately interesting premise but when you break it down, 16 Blocks is a stock-standard thriller which takes few chances.  Every time Jack and Eddie find themselves trapped with seemingly no way of escaping, they find a way out.  If you think it’s possible to “make your own luck”, you might believe their story.  If you don’t, you’ll be frustrated by the many close shaves.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 06 July 2006

I couldn’t believe that it’s been three years since the release of Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl.  It made a staggering $653m (in U.S. dollars) around the world and it earned Johnny Depp his very first Academy Award nomination.  Not bad for a movie based on a ride at Disneyland!

Following the success of the first flick, Walt Disney Pictures opened their cheque book and commissioned two sequels.  The third instalment, which is being shot at the moment, is slated for release in May 2007.

If you can remember the original film, Will Turner (Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Knightley) helped Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) break out from prison so that he could reclaim his boat, The Black Pearl.  Dead Man’s Chest opens with Will and Elizabeth being arrested for their involvement in the escape.

There’s an ulterior motive behind their arrest however.  The influential Cutler Beckett (Hollander) will offer them a pardon but only if Will can track down Captain Jack.  There’s a unique compass that Jack keeps with him and Cutler wants to get his hands on it.

Across the oceans, Captain Jack is having his own problems.  Buried on a remote island is a treasure chest that contains a valuable secret.  He knows how to find it but he does not have the special key with which to open it.  The man who does is Davy Jones (Nighy), the slimy ghoul who captains the Flying Dutchman.  Davy won’t let go of his prized possession without a fight and so it’s up to Captain Jack to come up with a creative plan if he’s going to steal it…

The opening of Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is a complete waste.  You could walk in an hour after the movie has started and be no worse off.  Too much time is spent trying to develop the characters and the overly complicated plot.  If you can get through the lengthy introduction though, you’ll find the film does improve.  The action-packed finale sees Captain Jack and Davy Jones engage in an epic battle.  There’s an over-reliance on visual effects (some look a bit fake) but it’s still great to watch on a big screen.

Every laugh in the film is provided by Johnny Depp.  You never know what is going to come out of his mouth next.  Depp has based his character’s eccentric personality on Rolling Stones star Keith Richards and recent news reports have stated that Richards will make a cameo in the third film.  Apart from Depp, the cast are ordinary.  Orlando Bloom has more screen time but does little with it.  Keira Knightley is particularly disappointing in what is a smaller role.

Without revealing too much, I was frustrated by the ending.  Many questions are left unanswered.  It’s obvious that the filmmakers want you to come back in twelve months time and pay more money to see what happens next.  Don’t you just hate that?

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 16 July 2006

Swiss couple Carola (Hoss) and Stefan (Rieke) have travelled to Kenya for a two week holiday.  On the last day of their trip, Carola meets a Kenyan native named Lemalian (Ido).  From the moment their eyes first meet, the two develop a connection.  Within 24 hours, Carola has given up on her marriage with Stefan and gone to live with Lemalian.  She doesn’t know if it’s true love or a moment of madness.

Lemalian is from a Kenyan tribe known as the maasai.  He lives with his people in a small community which is far civilisation.  There is no electricity, no running water and little in the way of edible food.  It’s a difficult transition for Carola who has left behind a loving family and a successful job back in Switzerland.  Now, she finds herself unemployed and the only white woman in a small tribe of people who are questioning her appearance.  Can a woman give up everything in the name of love?  Only time will tell.

Based on the autobiographical novel by Corinne Hofmann, The White Masai has been brought to the screen by German director Hermine Huntgeburth.  The Kenyan landscape makes for a beautiful setting but it was a difficult shoot for the cast and crew.  They battled sweltering heat during the day and slept in small tents each night.

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel this way but Carola was a very annoying character.  She’s in an unfamiliar world and yet she speaks and acts as if she knows all the answers.  Carola objects to many traditions within the Masai tribe but I what right does she have to criticise?  Those who see it differently will probably enjoy the film more than I did.