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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 26 September 2002

has a big-time spider flick been released and even today, I have trouble watching that one all the way through.  Bottom line, spiders freak me out!

Putting on my critics hat sees the film begin in a small American town where a barrel of nuclear waste falls off a truck and into a river.  Animals in the river are affected including small crickets which a local spider guy feeds to his scary pets.  The spiders start growing to massive proportions then wreak havoc on the town and its people.

Leading the fight is Chris McCormack (Arquette) and Sheriff Sam Parker (Wurher).  There’s a whole other sub-plot involving these two which isn’t worth wasting time on.  If you’ve seen the poster, you don’t see a film like this for its romance.  I did like the way though director Ellory Elkayem mocks that standard Hollywood scene where two people kiss for the first time.  A nice touch.

Special effects could have been better.  After hearing conversations with the film’s stars, it would have be quite a challenge to run around like a manic being chased by spiders that didn’t even exist when the film was shot.  All the spiders were inserted later with digital effects and if you ask me, the CGI effects team weren’t up to their own challenge.  Good without being great.

I also expected better from David Arquette.  He’s made some decent films but I don’t what particularly attracted him to this project (aside from the money).  Scarlett Johansson (Ghost World) is also a favourite actress of mine who should picked another film.  I hope they don’t share the same agent.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 12 September 2002

Xander Cage (Diesel) is known simply as X and loves extreme sports and exposure.  He’s introduced to us when he steals the lavish car of a politician and drives it off a bridge.  He escapes via parachute and the whole sequence has been captured on video camera by X’s team to show on web casts around the world.

One person paying very close attention to X is Agent Augustus Gibbons (Jackson).  A secret organisation known as Anarchy 99 has been arousing suspicions in Prague.  They are becoming very wealthy and powerful and under leader Yorgi (Csokas), are rumoured to be developing biological weapons to destroy governments around the world.

With agent after agent being killed, Gibbons decides to try a different approach.  Why not try using someone with a criminal background?  Their hardened persona may be able to penetrate Anarchy 99 and get them on the inside.  X is Gibbons man and he convinces him to go with the threat of serving time behind bars for his wild stunts.

In Prague, the plan works perfectly.  X gets all the information he needs and Gibbons rewards him with freedom and a ticket home.  But of course, he’s fallen in love with a member of Anarchy 99, Yelena (Argento) and doesn’t want to leave her behind.  So despite his cover soon becoming blown, X stays behind to finish the job, blow up a bunch of stuff, and win the heart of Yelena.

There are a lot of amazing action sequences in XXX but they are too big for their own good.  The editing team has failed to make it gel and look sequential.  The quickly edited scenes are fragmented and I wasn’t buying a single minute of it.  The part still freshest in my mind is the hopelessly stupid scene where X rides his snowboard down the mountain followed closely by an avalanche.  Special effects are top-notch but everything else is substandard.

Vin Diesel isn’t a newcomer to Hollywood but you’d think he was with the wave of hype and publicity that has followed his every move in the past three months.  Diesel featured prominently in Saving Private Ryan, Pitch Black and the underrated Boiler Room before realising his true calling was for action.  After the huge success of last year’s The Fast And The Furious, XXX capitalises on his “action star” status and also sees him set to appear in sequels of both films.  A busy man he will be.

Did I mention that director Rob Cohen made both XXX and The Fast And The Furious?  He also made Daylight and Dragonheart.  As Diesel is an action star, Cohen is an action director that obviously has the experience but seems to be taking on more than he can chew.  People enjoy seeing outrageous stunts but if you wanna make a movie, you’ve gotta have a worthwhile story.  So with that said, this film gets a big X from me.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 19 September 2002

On a planet far, far away, a mad scientist, Dr. Jumba Jookiba, has developed a new freaky species.  Known as Experiment #626, it’s an indestructible monster that will destroy anything in its path.  Both Jumba and #626 are imprisoned so that no harm can be done only that #626 escapes custody and flees to a small planet known as Earth.  On orders from the Council, Jumba is released from custody and promised freedom if he can retrieve #626 before it reeks havoc on other planets.

On a small Hawaiian island, Lilo Pelekai lives with her sister Nani.  Their parents died when they were young and Nani is struggling to hold down a job and care for Lilo.  Authorities are considering taking Lilo and placing her in a foster home because she has been constantly rebelling against Nani’s authority.  Deep down though, she just wants some friends as most people are very unhospitable to her at school.

To cheer her up, Nani suggests Lilo get a pet.  At the pound, they find a disgusting looking creature (yep, #626) that has recently been captured and Lilo falls instantly in love with in.  Naming it Stitch, it certainly is a mischievous little thing - it reeks havoc on everything.  But just when all hope seems lost, it seems to develop a conscience and feels sorry for causing Lilo trouble.  It starts to rectify the wrongs it has done but those two bounty hunters are still after him thinking he’s all bad.

Disney films have been slipping of late and on a critical scale, this film is a mix of both good and bad.  I think kids might find more enjoyment out of the other September holiday release, Stuart Little 2.  There isn’t a great variety of characters here and kids might be confused by the opening which begins on another planet.  At least that’s the impression I got from the kids yelling out “mummy, what’s going on”.

Like I always say, animation is top notch.  Jokes will appeal more to kids than adults.  It’s a great chance to get the kids of the house.  So what the hell was I doing there since it’s seems I’m the last person a film like this is targeted at?  Well, I’m here to voice my two cents, and so for what it’s worth, which isn’t much, I’ll let it sneak though with a passing grade.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 12 September 2002

Blue won the Golden Lion at the Venice Film Festival and earned 3 Golden Globe nominations, White won the Silver Berlin Bear at the Berlin Film Festival, but it’s Red that most people will be familiar with, if at all.  Red was nominated for 3 Academy Awards (including best director and best screenplay) and appears on the Internet Movie Database as the 161st most popular film of all time.

With the world at his feet Kieslowski suddenly announced his retirement from filmmaking.  His rest was short-lived as he suffered a cardiac arrest and passed away in March 1996.  All the more surprising is to see his name appear during the opening credits as a writer of Heaven.  Yes, before he died, Kieslowski wrote one final script which has taken six years to make it into production.

Directed by creative German director Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run), Heaven begins magnificently.  Cate Blanchett is Philippa Paccard, a school teacher with a vendetta against a high profile business executive, Marco Vendice, who is selling drugs to her 13-year-old students.  After repeated requests for help to the police, she takes the law into her own hands and plants a makeshift bomb in a rubbish bin in Vendice’s office.

Unfortunately, the bin is emptied moments before detonation and instead of Vendice meeting a quick demise, a cleaner, a father and two innocent children are killed.  Arrested soon after, Philippa is remorseful when being interrogated.  She knows she deserves to be punished for her wrongs but still holds an immense desire to destroy Vendice.

An opportunity arises when the young interpreter in the interrogation room, Filippo (Ribisi), falls instantly in love with Philippa.  His younger brother is taught by Philippa and Filippo hears nothing but good stories and knows she is a decent woman.  He devises a cunning plan to break Philippa out of jail so they can elope and foolishly he believes they will live happily ever after.

The wonderful opening hour is softened by a yawning finish.  After the breakout, the film wanders all over the place.  It becomes a tacky, strange love story and chemistry between Ribisi and Blanchett is hard to find.  Everytime the film looks set to end, it carries on a little further with more frivolous romance.  Blanchett is the standout of the cast but Ribisi is solid in an unusual role for him.

The direction from Tykwer is the primary reason to see Heaven.  The camera work is magnificent.  Tykwer moves his cameras slowly to appreciate more of the surroundings in a very artistic way.  Towards the closing, he uses helicopter flyovers with little-to-no sound to again show his mastery of the craft.

It’s refreshing to see every audience in the world except the United States have the opportunity to taste Heaven.  The film isn’t scheduled for release in the States until the first week of October and only this week is showing to many leading U.S. critics at the Toronto Film Festival.  Before being released in Oz, Heaven has already played in Austria, Russia, Sweden, Israel, The Philippines, Norway, Belgium, Mexico and the United Kingdom.  If nothing else, the film is one final chance to pay homage to the great work of Krzysztof Kieslowski.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 19 September 2002

Goldmember has a few funny moments but is inferior compared with the other two films.  Jokes are rehashed and the “subtle wit” I spoke of has been replaced by standard gross-out jokes.  There’s a gag where Austin mocks the name of a Japanese girl called Fook Mi.  Um, not funny.

This time around, Austin is forced to travel back in time to 1975 to foil Dr. Evil’s latest plan.  A Dutch villain known as Goldmember developed the technology to create a powerful “tractor beam” and Dr. Evil wants to use it against the world.  Meanwhile, Austin has a hollow feeling in that his father, Nigel Powers (played by Michael Caine), hasn’t been around for most of his life.  So it’s going to be a buzy adventure for Austin Powers...

The opening sequence is amazing and the funniest part of the film.  There’s some wonderful star cameos that are ideally cast and give the film its platform.  Things fall away quickly after that.  Most of dialogue between Dr. Evil and his son Scotty, which was so funny in the first two films, is flat.  Rather than mock the cliches that riddle current flicks, the film gets bogged down with silly characters like Fat Bastard, Mini-Me and of course, Goldmember.

So is there another film in store?  I hope not but if money dictates Hollywood (which um, it does), then there sure will be.  Only this time, I won’t be as enthusastic to see it on opening night.