Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 04 April 2002

Secondly, the film will receive criticism from die-hard Rice fans who have seen the book murdered to fit into a 100 minute running time.  Unlike Lord Of The Rings, people aren’t prepared to sit though a three hour vampire epic, and so events are changed, characters are cut and the essence that made the novel so appealing has been lost.

Both “disappointments” were unavoidable.  The novel had to be cut and the studio could not lure back the creators of the original.  Queen Of The Damned begins slowly - the vampire Lestat (Townsend) rises from the dead and becomes a massive rock star.  He is not afraid to tell his legion fans he is a vampire but other vampires are upset that he as failed to uphold their morals and keep his “blood sucking” trait a secret.  Lestat is deliberately upsetting the vampire world to lure some old “friends” out of hiding.

The film has received more publicity than it deserves thanks to the death of one of its stars, Aaliyah, who died in a plane crash in August last year.  Aaliyah’s role is quite small in the film and without insulting her memory, a rather disappointing end to a limited film career.  Following her death, her brother was called upon to help overdub her voice is several scenes.

Here’s a curious note for film buffs - Queen Of The Damned was made in Australia.  You’ll guess this straight away with the unusual casting choice of Tiriel Mora as Lestat’s music agent.  Mora is most famous for his role as Dennis Denuto in The Castle and here he uses a pathetic fake accent to disguise his nationality.  The huge concert scene that forms part of the film’s finale was filmed in Werribee and over 2,000 “goths” turned up to appear as extras.

On a plus side, the film has some good visual effects and some great sound bytes.  The story isn’t difficult to follow but it is rather simple and lacking the intricate depth offered by Interview With A Vampire.  Author Anne Rice offered to pen the screenplay for free but was turned down.  I guess you could say with an idiotic decision like that, this film was “damned” from the very start.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 28 March 2002

It’s 1940 and C.W. Briggs (Allen) is a leading detective at an insurance agency.  The boss, Chris Magruder (Aykroyd), has recently hired Betty Ann Fitzgerald (Hunt) to “streamline” the office and she’s got plans to outsource the firm’s detective wing leaving Briggs without employment.  Suffice to say, relations between C.W. and Betty are a little frosty.  He’s a “wormy little ferret” and she “needs a good old fashioned roll in the hay”.

The two are both at an after-work function when they selected to appear on stage by a magician named Voltan (Stiers).  He hypnotises them and when the words “Constantinople” and “Madagaska” are uttered, the two fall into a deep hypnotic trance and feel madly in love with each other.  Neither can remember the incident but both find themselves involved in an elaborately creative jewel heist.

Voltan never released C.W. and Betty from the hypnotic spell.  He calls C.W., says the magic word and then asks him to steal security plans from work and use them to rob the homes of the firm’s wealthy clients.  After two robberies in as many nights, the evidence begins mounting against C.W. but he has no idea why he is being suspected and is out to clear his name.

Jade Scorpion is a delightful comedy.  The jokes wear out in the final half-hour but watching Allen and Hunt play off each other in their one-on-one scenes is the clear highlight.  I never realised there were so many ways of expressing one’s hatred for another - it’s hilarious.  Allen gets the best of the jokes and others like Dan Aykroyd and Charlize Theron seem wasted but hey, I’m not complaining.

The films follows the style of all Allen’s other works - another plus.  The old fashioned music, the old style credits, the old style editing process.  It’s a throw back to classic Hollywood - a fact I appreciate even more today when faced with “new age comedies” such as Not Another Teen Movie and Sorority Boys screening next door.  Help me!

As regular as clockwork, Allen makes one film a year.  He’s currently putting the finishing touches on his next film, Hollywood Ending, which is a story about a former great director who gets a chance to redeem himself late in his career with a final big picture.  But he goes blind due to paranoia and so he and a few of his friends conceal the disability from studio executives so that he can keep directing the film.  Now do you understand what I mean when I say Allen’s comedy stylings are above anything else currently being offered?

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 28 March 2002

Buck (Boyle), Hank (Thornton) and Sonny (Ledger) are three generations in the Grotowski Family.  Hank and Sonny currently work as prison guards in the Correctional Facility.  Ready to be executed is Lawrence Musgrove (Combs) who after 11 years of failed appeals awaits his meeting with the electric chair.  His wife, Leticia (Berry) and their son, Tyrell, pay a final emotional visit.

At the execution, Sonny loses his composure (and guts) on escorting Lawrence from his cell.  This is just another reason for Hank to be disappointed in his son and he’s not afraid to tell him this to his face.  In the following days, Leticia loses her job and the bank has served a 30-day eviction notice.  Both Hank and Leticia are subconsciously seeking someone to emotionally confide it and in an unfortunate and shocking coincidence, they find themselves together.

Revealing more will spoil the experience so I’ll keep tight-lipped regarding the intriguingly depressing plot developments.  Marc Foster is a wonderful choice as director.  The screenplay requires the story be told slowly and to compensate, he shows the actions of more than one character during particular scenes.  The grim colouring and camerawork is spot on.  A sex scene between Berry and Thornton is refreshingly honest and not glossed up.

Unnecessarily rated R for its strong sexual content, I hope Monster’s Ball finds an audience.  People who whinge (including me) about continually unimpressive American movies can get off our bandwagon for a week and start telling others about this wonderful independent production funded by Lions Gate.  An emotional rollercoaster that doesn’t stop until long after the cinema.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 21 March 2002

Together, the two develop a simple idea to target low-security banks in small towns.  The night previous, they appear on the doorstep of the bank manager and take them and their family hostage.  The following morning, they take a casual stroll down to the bank where the manager’s keys can be used to open the vault and all can be taken before trading even commences.

The plan is effective but in a matter of weeks, the two become known around America as the “sleepover bandits” and they develop a gentlemanly reputation.  Their faces are plastered on TV screens, they make the FBI’s 10 most wanted list, and a $1,000,000 reward has been offered for their capture.  It’ll be hard to keep their anominity.

Following their initial robberies, Terry meets a fragile woman named Kate (Blanchett) who has just split from her husband.  She realises these two are the “sleepover bandits” and asks to be part of their team or else she will turn them over to the authorities.  The two hesitantly agree but find themselves warming to the idea when both fall for Kate - threatening to jeopardise their “business”.

Bandits is often unsatisfying in its failure to fulfil the audience’s desire.  The beginning is fragmented - a combination of the first robbery, the final robbery, a TV interview.  It then gets back of the rails but delays the appearance of Cate Blanchett until at least a half-hour into the film.  As the robberies become interesting, the film strays and focuses too heavily on the romance.  The finale then offers a small twist but is short and lacking common sense.

Despite these noticeable annoyances, the film is held together by two wonderful and one decent performance.  Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett would be the two most versatile actors in the business today.  They can take on any role, any persona.  Look at the last six months for example.  Thornton in The Man Who Wasn’t There and Monster’s Ball.  Blanchett in The Fellowship Of The Ring and The Shipping News.  Both found themselves on the outer come Oscar time perhaps because they had too many good performances for voters to choose between.  As the weakest of the trio, Bruce Willis lacks originality but I’ll admit this is one of his better roles of late.

Two hours is also a long ride for a comedy and sure enough, I glanced at my timepiece more often than I should.  Bandits is a subdued comedy with perhaps not enough “laugh out loud” moments.  Fun but not funny.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 28 March 2002

Showtime is all wrong.  The film “tries” to poke fun at reality based TV shows but doesn’t realise that it’s following all the Hollywood movie stereotypes in the process.  DeNiro and Murphy are

Mitch Preston and Trey Sellars.  Mitch is a straight shooting detective with a well regarded reputation.  Television cameras happened to catch his latest drug bust and Mitch is now a media sensation.  He’s not very forthcoming however and he shoots a camera during the incident when it gets in his way.

Chase Renzi (Russo) works for a television network and sees Mitch as her window to pitch a new reality based TV program.  Cameras will follow him 24 hours a day and the highlights will be shown Friday nights at 8pm.  Mitch is naturally unforthcoming but when the police station is threatened with a $10,000,000 lawsuit over the “shooting the camera” incident, his boss gives him no choice but to participate.

Looking for a wacky sidekick, Chase finds Trey - a police officer / actor.  He’s dying to be on television and gives a dazzling audition.  Further encouragement is the fact he’ll get to work with Mitch Preston and he sees his experience as a way of learning how to pass the detective exam (which he’s failed twice before).  Naturally, the two don’t hit it off but they soon come together when hot on the trail of a head drug lord.

I chuckled once during the entire ordeal.  Murphy is usually funny in every film he makes but this is a rare exception.  DeNiro has no talent as a comedic actor and despite what anyone else says about Analyse This and Meet The Parents, he just doesn’t have it.  Rene Russo is the supporting actress in this mess and does absolutely nothing.  I think the highlight of the film was seeing William Shatner slide across a car hood and land on his ass.

Nothing really make sense either.  Stuff happens and I don’t know why it happens.  The drug villain, Vargas, manages to destroy a suburban house with some sort of super gun.  How?  Mitch and Trey approach Vargas in his nightclub for no apparent reason but to act tough.  Why?  How do the studio cameras always immaculately capture the action despite being hidden in stupid locations (such as shirt buttons)?  How does Mitch hide a gun in a video camera and still manage to fire it?  And let’s not forget the age old question - how can a villain shoot a gun 100 times and still miss hitting the good guy?

Stunningly horrendous, this could well be the worst commercial release of the year.  During the credits, they show out takes from the film and even they weren’t funny.  There isn’t a single compliment that can be uttered which is lucky because I’ve been left speechless by its dreadfulness.  Forget Showtime, it’s boretime!