Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 21 June 2001

Shrek is naturally upset and goes to Farquaad with a talking donkey (Murphy) who makes him a deal.  Farquaad wants to be a king and the only way he can become one is by marrying a princess.  Guided by the magic mirror, he chooses Princess Fiona (Diaz) as his bride to be but unfortunately she’s stuck atop a tower guarded by a nasty dragon.  Farquaad has agreed that if Shrek can rescue the Princess, he will be given sole title to the forest to continue is life of solitude.

A sparkling idea, Shrek takes all our memorable fairy tale stars and creates riotous comedy.  Taking a ribbing are Snow White and The Seven Dwarves, Little Red Riding Hood, Three Blind Mice, The Three Little Pigs, and even The Gingerbread Man.  Don’t look past a really great soundtrack too.  Instead of creating a whole new series of songs sung by dancing animals (ala Disney), modern pop songs are effectively woven into the dialogue.

Whilst the jokes are very funny, the plot is a little thin and could have used more substance.  I know it’s only a kids’ flick but Toy Story 2 and Chicken Run proved that depth in the story can appeal to adults as well as children.  Regardless, it’s hard not to lie back, relax and have a good time (it’s even better with popcorn).

Proving a major threat to Pearl Harbor’s number one box-office status in America, Shrek is the family film to see this holiday.  There may not be big bombs and explosions but as they say, laughter is always the best medicine.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 14 June 2001

Needing a new band to pitch their products through, music executive Fiona (Posey) and employee Wyatt (Cumming) go in search and find Josie (Cook), Melody (Reid) and Valerie (Dawson) and create Josie And The Pussycats.  The girls are a little stunned when success comes so quickly but none suspect the real reason for their new found popularity.  That is until Josie discovers their hidden secret...

I know the above outline sounds lame but it’s because the film is designed that way.  The greatest feature (and what makes it so enjoyable) is the way the film mocks the commercialism that is dominating society.  Almost every scene has a brand logo of some form in the background.  I had to laugh at the small McDonalds logos that lined the shower screen and the Target symbols on plane walls and bedspreads.

Alan Cumming and Parker Posey are accomplished independent actors which makes you wonder why they’d star in a film like this.  The reason is that there’s fun to be had and they steal the spotlight from the teen cast with their witty remarks.  I can’t forget an inspired cameo from Eugene Levy (Best In Show, American Pie) that caught me off guard to say the least.

Despite the negativity I often express towards the genre, here’s proof that a film need not be pitched to those with low IQs.  Let’s give teenagers a little more credit and provide a comedy that’s just a little more challenging.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 21 June 2001

I’ve been asked “the question” a few times this past week and I’ve been left stumped without an answer.  Recently, my responses have been Moulin Rouge and Memento but both have been screening for over a month.  Shrek’s worth seeing but it’s hard to convince adults to take the time and nobody’s heard of (let alone seen) The House Of Mirth.

Having enjoyed the trailers, I was eagerly hoping Tomb Raider would give me something positive to talk about but once again, I’ve been let down.  Angelina Jolie is Lara Croft, a sexy super-hero with a fetish for looking good and wearing tight outfits.  Her father (played by real-life dad Jon Voight), died 15 years ago but left Lara an important request.

For the first time in 5,000 years, the nine planets of the Solar System will soon align and at that exact moment, a powerful force threatens to be released.  There exists a mystical clock that will guide its holder to the location of two metallic triangle pieces that when joined together, create the power to control time.  The clock falls into the hands of “bad guy” Alex Marrs (Craig) and it’s up to Lara to “save the universe again.”

If the plot sounds thin, then that’s because it is!  The majority of the action sequences are ordinary.  There were lots of close shaves and big explosions but quick editing combined with an overuse of special effects made it hard to figure out what the hell was going on.  At times it was a giant blur.  The plot is full of holes and about 1% made sense - it’s almost as if significant scenes were left on the cutting room floor.  The film's best described as a female Indiana Jones without a script.  Enticed yet?

I can’t bag the entire film because Academy Award winner Angelina Jolie is decent.  Despite getting no help from fellow cast members, she is tough yet reserved making for an interesting character.  You can’t help but laugh though at her shower scene which adds nothing to the story and is obviously designed to tease and get the audience talking.

Look, when we’ve run out of ideas to the point that we have to look to computer games for inspiration, something is wrong.  A computer game is designed to challenge the player and having played the game itself, I can remember the complex thought required to beat it.  Let’s just say that apart from the endurance factor, the film didn’t offer quite so much of a challenge...

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 07 June 2001

For some reason, 20th Century Fox found him worthy of his own film and gave him $15m for him to write, direct and star in it.  Gord (Green) is a cartoon writer who wants to make it in Hollywood.  His dad (Torn) just wants him find a job and move out of home so he can relax and enjoy his retirement.  With that said, let’s just go through the “highlights” of Freddie Got Fingered.

In one scene, Gord drives pass a horse stud farm which excites him.  He proceeds to jump from his car, run to a horse and masturbates the horse’s penis.  In another scene, Gord sees a dead deer in the middle of the road.  He gets a knife and cuts the skin from the animal and then dances around wearing the blood soaked skin pretending to be the deer.  Do you want more?

When in hospital visiting a friend, Gord’s antics offend a pregnant lady in the next bed which sends her into labour.  Gord makes things right by delivering the baby.  He then chews through the umbilical cord with his teeth and swings the baby around leaving blood splattered on the walls and nearby patients.

As fate has it, Gord meets a young lady in hospital named Betty (Marisa Coughlan) who’s paralysed from the waist down.  To reach orgasm, she has Gord whip her legs with a bamboo cane which drives her wild.  She’s not the kind of girl who likes to go out - she’d just prefer to stay home and suck his cock.  Shall I continue?

I guess there’s one more scene requiring explanation.  When his father has a go at him for being a loser, Gord decides to get back at dad but accusing him of molesting Freddie, his younger son (hence the title).  Authorities then place Freddie in a home for abused children and begin criminal proceedings against the accused.  Amused?

Incredibly sick and twisted, I laughed quite often during Freddie Got Fingered but it was “at” the film and not “with” the film.  It’s nothing more than a 90 minute skit of Tom Green acting stupid - it doesn’t flow and there’s certainly no story.  Everyone has a different sense of humour and maybe there are people that would find this funny but not me.  Jerking off an elephant and spraying his father with the semen is not my idea of comedy.

If you do see the film and enjoy it more than I, please tell me so that I can lose all respect for you.  With the current trend of “gross out” comedies, there’s a fine line being drawn between what is funny and what is sick.  Never before has one film been so far over that line and Freddie Got Fingered sets a new benchmark for human depravity that may never again be matched.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 14 June 2001

There was a great discussion on The Panel last week talking about the weakness of modern-day scripts.  Casablanca, in my opinion the greatest film of all time, originally began with a 250 page treatment from which the best parts were taken to condense the film into two hours.  It was the golden time in Hollywood and screenwriters of the era would be horrified to see how many of today’s scripts are created.  Many are created from just a few pages of notes and made stretch into 90 minutes.

You can’t overlook the evidence.  Look at recent atrocities such as Head Over Heels, Crocodile Dundee in L.A., Monkeybone and Valentine (all released in past two months).  A simple idea is dragged out and tortured to death.  With stars signing contracts before drafts are even written, the importance of the script itself is being lost and trust me, it’s not conducive to good filmmaking.

Set in 1905, The House Of Mirth revolves around Lily Bart (brilliantly played by Gillian Anderson) and her quest to find love and fortune.  Her wealthy aunt affords her a life of luxury which makes her a part of elite society.  Lily has reached that age where marriage is expected and in a time when a woman’s reputation is all she has, her own mistakes combined with ill wishes from others, will make her task to find a husband very difficult.

Lily has always longed for Lawrence (Stoltz) and the two are close but neither will admit to their true feelings.  Lily stumbles across letters indicating Lawrence has been romantically involved with good friend Bertha (Linney) meaning she is cheating on her husband George (Terry).  Thinking Lawrence does not love her, Lily pursues other avenues including the advancements of the married Gus Trenor (Aykroyd) and the wealthy Sim Rosedale (LaPaglia).  Lily knows she must marry but despite the offers of fortune and security that these two gentlemen can provide, her heart is tied to Lawrence and will not let go.

Her world is soon shattered when her gambling debts are discovered by her aunt who disinherits Lily from her will.  Further, Bertha is looking for a way out of her marriage with George and uses Lily as a scapegoat by publicly announcing the lie that the two were having an affair.  With her reputation in tatters, Lily has the evidence to clear her name (the letters) but in doing so would destroy the reputation of her true love Lawrence.  Whichever path she takes, someone will be hurt.

It’s a marvellous film with the kind of cast you wouldn’t always expect.  Director Terence Davies is a newcomer to Hollywood and gets the most out of his crew.  I could rave of the impeccable sets and costumes (as I always do with period piece productions) but it’s the depth of the story which has me recommending it so highly.  It may not have the razzle and dazzle of Moulin Rouge but the message is still the same - love can give so much and yet take so much away.