Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 26 April 2001

With no other option, Jerry heads to Mexico and Sam nicks off to Las Vegas to start a new life.  There’s a lot more at stake here and Jerry’s about to find out just how much the gun is really worth.  It seems everyone wants the gun for their own and a hitman know as Leroy (Gandolfini) has kidnapped Sam in Vegas to use her as leverage in securing the gun.  When he finds that Sam and Jerry have split, he’s determined not to lose the edge and with his compassionate side, shows Sam just how much she still loves Jerry and vice-versa.

It’s hard to fit this film into any particular genre - there’s a mix of comedy, drama and romance but in all honesty, the story is juvenile.  Both Pitt and Roberts are unexpectedly impressive but most will agree James Gandolfini stands out and will provide the film’s talking points.  I did enjoy the way the story was told.  Apart from the opening ten minutes, our two stars do not share a scene for over an hour and watching both their adventures provides more material.

The Mexican is different but not in a positive or negative way.  You can tell you’re watching a classy production made by the best in the biz but you’re never really captivated by the story nor are you able to gauge how you’re supposed to feel.  Important characters are killed but not enough seems to be made of their demise as if secondary to the whole Pitt/Roberts thing.  The film also proposes to give lessons in love which I felt were best left implied rather than spelt out.

Box-office figures haven’t been huge and I’m Dreamworks will be disappointed given the star billing.  It shows you need a script to make a movie and to be truly successful, you need your audience to like it and recommend it to others.  This is not one of those films.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 12 April 2001

All these contestants are different.  Some do it for love, some do it for fame, some do it for money, and some do it for a combination of all three.  I remember laughing heartedly during the film and it brought back memories of Rob Sitch’s The Castle and The Dish.  We have a good chuckle at how simple and idiotic these characters are but we feel and care for them at the same time.

There’s not a lot of story in Best In Show and it’s left to the characters to make the movie.  They are all riotously funny but I have to single out Fred Willard who plays a commentator at the big show.  He knows nothing about dogs and bluffs his way through the broadcast by talking nothing but crap.  Who knew commentating a dog show could be so much fun?

Director and screenwriter Christopher Guest is a leader in the independent film world.  In his career to date, Guest has directed films such as Waiting For Guffman, written and composed for films such as This Is Spinal Tap, and provided small acting roles in a string of films including A Few Good Men and The Princess Bride.  Not only that, he’s featured as a regular comedy writer for America’s Saturday Night Live.  Assisting Guest in the screenwriting department is the equally talented and fellow co-star Eugene Levy who many will know as Jim’s dad in American Pie.

If you haven’t heard of Best In Show prior to this, you’re not alone.  With TV ads flogging everything from Say It Isn’t So to Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, a smaller release will undoubtedly be swamped by the competition.  As a nominee for best comedy at the Golden Globes, best director at the Independent Spirit Awards and best screenplay at the Writers Guild, Best In Show doesn’t deserve to be overlooked.  If you’re looking for comedy that doesn’t have jokes about cats giving blowjobs and guys wrestling crocodiles, this could be the perfect Easter movie for you.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 19 April 2001

Steven Seagal (aka Orin Boyd) saves the vice-president in a blaze of glory after a huge shootout with a militia group.  Instead of the praise he expected to receive, he’s demoted for having stepped on the toes of the Secret Service and stealing their thunder.  Now in the 15th Precinct (as low as it gets), he’s still out to settle unfinished business on the streets.

He discovers a drug dealer by the name of Latrell Walker (DMX) who is setting up something big and is getting help from inside the ranks.  It seems there are corrupt officers getting a slice of Walker’s pie in return for police protection.  So just who can Boyd trust?  Pretty much no one so he takes the law into his own hands and brings down the whole cartel (crooked cops and all).

Like any porno, the plot is secondary to the action.  That doesn’t excuse the film but at least you know what you’re getting when you see a film like Exit Wounds.  Personally, I found it pathetic but that’s because I had no desire to see it.  However, there were audience members cheering and clapping as Seagal blew things up and butchered his victims.  It’s all in fun but be forewarned that it is more violent than you’re usual action film.

Seagal may be a great action lead but he can’t act and will be left with roles like this until he either dies or retires.  He lacks the wit of an Arnold Swarzenegger but he’s definitely got more pizzazz than a Jean Claude Van Damme or Dennis Rodman (that’s not saying much).  He just walks around looking serious, talking tough and always finding a way out of impossible situations.  For example, in Exit Wounds, he manages to escape from a moving car despite being handcuffed and surrounded by 4 armed men.  Don’t ask me how.

You can forget the “wounds” because all I was looking for was the “exit”.  Then again, I was stupid enough to go through the “entry” and deserved the punishment I endured.  If I haven’t convinced you not to see this film then I’ll give you one final piece of advice that should provide proof without a shadow of a doubt - Tom Arnold is a co-star.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 12 April 2001

The script is pitiful and I will name both Matthew Berry and Eric Abrams as those responsible (along with Paul Hogan) in the hope they will never work in Hollywood again.  In this “adventure”, Mick Dundee (Hogan) and his long time companion Sue Charlton (Kozlowski) now own a pub in the Northern Territory outback.  Sue gets a call from her father asking her to come to Los Angeles for a few weeks.  It seems an employee at his publishing company has died and he needs Sue to fill in while he looks for a permanent replacement.

So off they head to L.A. with their son Mike (played by George Negus’s 9-year-old son Serge Cockburn).  Once there, Sue quickly picks up the pieces and uncovers a big story (believe it or not).  A string of really bad movies are being made by a new studio company.  The first film flopped, the sequel went straight to video and somehow a third movie is in the works.  Curious as to how the studio can remain open, Sue investigates, uncovers a conspiracy and with Mick going undercover as an extra in the film, she’ll soon find out the truth behind the mystery.

With every film like this I see, I develop an even bigger appreciation for the Austin Powers films.  I don’t know why film studios pursue with over the top supervillans given that Dr. Evil has taken the mickey out of all those that have gone before.  Somehow, these ludicrous storylines continue to haunt us as seen here and in the recent Miss Congeniality.

I am not taking this film too seriously.  Anyone who says “oh, it’s just a bit of fun” deserves a slap across the face and a good hosing down.  When someone makes a bad joke, you don’t laugh just because you’re supposed to.  I never laughed once and there were stages in the first half hour where I was tempted to just get up and walk out (for those that have seen the film, a scene in a spa bath caps off what I’m talking about).  The acting was dreadful and the jokes so lame.  Spontaneity has no meaning.

Don’t even get me started on the culture issue.  Australians do not walk around in akubras all day.  Australians do not wrestle crocodiles for a living.  Australians do not serve nothing but beer in pubs.  Australians are not idiots who cannot understand anything about America.  Do we feel satisfied portraying such an image to the world?  Maybe ten years ago but aren’t we better than that now.

If you need supporting evidence, check out the documentary, Cunnamulla, which screened recently in Brisbane.  Could you imagine how shocked Americans would be to find out what really goes on the outback.  Desolate towns filled with doll bludgers, deadbeats, criminals and 13-year-olds having sex.  That is our true culture, whether we like it or not.

That is all I have to say.  I am sorry to have wasted your time in having to read this but it serves a purpose - to make sure you don’t see Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.  I rest my case.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 19 April 2001

Aside, the film stinks anyway.  It’s the story of seven guys who make a “tomcats” bet.  They all put a couple of hundred dollars a year into an investment fund and the last man to get married gets the whole pot.  Five are married in the space of seven years which just leaves two - Michael (O’Connell) and Kyle (Busey) to fight for the kitty which has now reached $500,000.  When Michael goes on a casino gambling spree (trying to impress a young lady), he finds himself $51,000 in debt and 30 days to find the money or else...

If you haven’t already predicted it, the only way Michael can come up with the money is to get Kyle married but that’s going to be a task in itself.  Kyle’s goal in life is to sleep with every single woman on the planet.  He constantly uses women and then dumps them when he’s finished with their services.  The only true love he ever had was a girl he met at a wedding known as Natalie (Elizabeth).  Michael knows he has to track down Natalie and get her to woo Kyle to the altar.

To show just how pitiful this film is, let me give you an example of one scene.  Kyle has cancer of the testicle and has it removed in an operation by his doctor.  Not wanting to leave a part of him behind, he asks Michael to search the hospital and steal the jar that contains his removed testicle.  Michael finds it but drops the jar leaving the swollen testicle on the ground.  It a barrage of coincidences, the testicle is kicked around the hospital until it finds itself in the cafeteria on a tray of sticky buns.  The buns are spilt and the testicle is now on the lunch tray of the doctor who promptly takes a juicy bite.  Classy.

Not my kind of film and judging from the trailers before it, more sick garbage is on the way.  Previews for David Spade’s Joe Dirt and Tom Green’s Freddie Got Fingered show that just when you think we’ve sunk to a new low, we somehow find a way to sink even lower.  Gross out comedies are over produced and when people of the future look back, they’ll wonder how such trash came to be made.  It must be kind of like us looking back on the late 80s and cringing at titles such as Revenge Of The Nerds 4: Nerds In Love and Police Academy 6: City Under Siege.  At least things aren’t that bad yet, are they?