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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 16 January 2005

I always look forward to Thursday nights as it’s my first chance to catch the week’s new releases.  My friends and I scoured the internet to see which of this week’s offerings would be best viewing.  As of last Thursday, Elektra had not yet been released in the U.S. and there were no reviews or public opinions available.  We took the chance and as I am about to tell, we made a grave, grave mistake.

As a rule, I never walk out of a film.  If I’m going to give it a fair review, I need to stay and see it all.  My rule was severely put to the test just fifteen minutes into Elektra.  Instead of leaving, as I should have, I sat there.  I don’t know how to describe what I felt.  It was kind of like an emotionless void – kind of like being about 20 minutes into a three hour university lecture.  The initial novelty as worn off and there’s nothing left to do but watch the clock count down.

For the few still interested in seeing this film, Elektra is a spin off of 2003’s Daredevil (with Ben Affleck).  Although she was killed off in Daredevil, the screenwriters have found a farcical way to bring her back to life for this money-making venture.  Now back in the land of the living, Elektra (Garner) works as a professional killer.  She can be hired through her agent and always gets the job done.

Her latest assignment sees her paid $2,000,000 to eliminate a father and her daughter.  She is not told why they need to be killed, only that it must be done.  Travelling to the remote island where they live, Elektra suddenly develops a heart and doesn’t go through with the killing.  Instead, she goes to her mentor, Stick (Stamp) to find out more about these two people.

There is an enemy here but I don’t know much about them.  The screenplay tells us little so I just assumed they were bad because they looked dark and evil and had crazy powers.  That said, they will all be killed in stupid fashion (but not before a long drawn out battle with Elektra first).  As for the good guys, just how pitiful is star Jennifer Garner?  She wears make-up, has perfect hair, wears revealing outfits and moves really cool in slow motion.  I can’t hold any of that against her but her performance is reminiscent of Halle Berry in Catwoman.  She tries to act cool and tough but it’s laughable really.

Now that the film is showing in the United States, I can take a breath of satisfaction.  According to the website Rotten Tomatoes, 83 leading critics have reviewed the film with 77 of those reviews being negative.  And hey if you don’t like the critics, the average score from members of the public on the Internet Movie Database is 3.9 out of 10. 

Two weeks into 2005, I’m confident that Elektra will be one of the year’s worst films.  I only wish they had of killed off her again.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 January 2005

Well I’ve seen it.

I didn’t really want to.

As much as I love movies, I could think of better things to do than to see a film about a sponge which is targeted at 8 year olds.

Just buying a ticket is embarrassing enough.

I was paranoid about buying a ticket on my own.

I’d have to get there super early, find a seat in the back row and hope no one would see me.

Thankfully, my sister was bored and agreed to come with me.

What a huge relief that was.

I could avoid the strange glance from the ticket operator on seeing a grown man ask for “one” to a baby flick.

We couldn’t sit in the back row but we managed to find some side seats to avoid suspicion.

The film was a complete bore.

Watching a 25 minute cartoon on Nickelodeon is one thing but trying to watch an 85 minute movie on the same subject is another thing.

With my short attention span, I was looking at my watch after 30 minutes.

The kiddies didn’t look to be having much fun either.

They didn’t even seem to laugh at the burp jokes.

I admit to having fun trying to pick the voices but that’s as far as I got.

I didn’t even hang around for the closing credits (to see if I was right) as I simply wanted to get out of their ASAP.

My sister felt the same way.

At least it is now done.

I will see 200 odd films in 2005 and as forgettable as it is, I can tell people that I have shown an “open mind” and seen The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.

There is no need for you to.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 January 2005

How can I aptly describe Miles Raymond?  Miles (Giamatti) is a man who can find the negative in any positive.  His wife left him two years ago and he hasn’t been remotely intimate with a woman since.   He has drafted several novels but all have been written-off and passed over by publishers.  He lives alone and works monotonously as an 8^th-grade English teacher.  All this has left Miles “officially depressed”.  His life is a joyless existence and he’s out there looking for the next kick in the teeth.

Best friend Jack (Church) is to be married in exactly one week.  To send him off, Miles has planned a week long trip across the wine regions of California.  Miles sees it as a chance to bond with one of his few good friends by playing some great golf, eating some great food, and drinking some great wine.  Jack sees things differently.  For him, the week is about sex.  He wants to get laid as many times as possible before Saturday’s wedding.

The differences come to a head when Jacks meets two girls, Maya (Madsen) and Stephanie (Oh), and invites them to dinner.  Over a few expensive bottles of red wine, Jack and Stephanie hit it off immediately.  Miles however, stumbles through the whole evening.  Maya shows a keen interest but Jack retreats into his shell.  Instead of seizing the opportunity, he focuses on the doomed relationship with his ex-wife – to the point where he calls her from the restaurant’s public phone and pleads for her to take him back.

When the four head back to Stephanie’s house, Jack and Stephanie head to the bedroom while Miles and Maya uncomfortably sit on the porch.  Looking to avoid talk of anything remotely intimate, Miles turns to his favourite topic – wine.  Their conversation is one of the film’s highlights and one of the best written pieces of dialogue I can recall.  That’s all I’ll say at this point.

The rest of the film I will leave for you to discover.  You will go a long way to find a quartet of better performance.  They are all troubled people but each in their own way.  The consensus amongst critics is that the reason the film has been so well received is that there’s always at least one of the characters with whom the viewer can identify.

I have been a huge fan of director Alexander Payne since he made the under-rated Election with Reese Witherspoon in 1999.  On the surface it’s a comedy but there’s a much darker layer just below.  Whilst it is not quite as good, Sideways is of similar design in that it doesn’t fit into one genre.  There are moments of hilarity, moments of tragedy and moments of romance.  I have been so critical of romantic comedies over the past few years but here’s a film which successfully takes a different approach.  The relationship between Miles and Maya is gut-wrenchingly real.  They may not have the looks of a Ben Affleck or a Jennifer Lopez but you’ll find Paul Giamatti and Virginia Madsen leave much more of an impression.

Although the Oscar nominations have not yet been released, Sideways is a shoe-in to receive many of them.  The two most powerful critic groups in America, those of Los Angeles and New York, each voted Sideways as the best film of 2004.  Not since Saving Private Ryan in 1998 have both groups crowed the same film with its best picture honour.  I don’t see it as the year’s best film but if putting together a top 10 list, I wouldn’t want to overlook it.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 27 December 2004

Meet The Fockers is the 19^th sequel to be released in Australia this year.  That’s the equivalent of one every three weeks.  Are we that short of ideas?  The problem with so many of these sequels is that they are boringly similar to the original.  Instead of breaking new ground, studios take the safe road in search of commercial success.  Well congratulations to shareholders in Universal and Dreamworks because the huge Christmas Day box-office in the States guarantees you a healthy return.

In Meet The Parents, Greg (Stiller) finally won over father-in-law Jack (DeNiro) and mother-in-law Dina (Danner).  Now the time has come for them to meet Greg’s parents.  This is important to Jack because he’s at a time in his life when he wants a “legacy”.  He only wants his daughter Pam (Polo) and her parents-in-law have to live up to his expectations.  Speaking to Greg about the union of the two families, Jack bluntly puts it to Greg - “I don’t want a chink in my chain”.

Greg’s parents are Bernie (Hoffman) and Roz (Streisand) and they will come as a huge shock to Jack.  Bernie is a house-dad and Roz works as a sex therapist for the elderly.  They are also very open about their relationship and love life.  Jack is horrified and as the weekend continues, he starts to have second thoughts about the Focker family.

If you remember from the first film, Greg’s surname is Focker.  They use this joke about 80 times in Meet The Fockers and I could not believe how often the audience laughed.  In all honesty, about 90% of the laugher in my cinema came from this single word.  Does that say enough?  The only other time I’ve seen a joke repeated so often would be amongst very drunken friends.

It’s amusing for a while but overstays its welcome with yet another far-fetched ending.  I am using this criticism for so many films of late and don’t ask me why.  There’s a scene involving a needle and some serum which starts the movie’s slide.  Half an hour later, I just wanted to get out of there.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 January 2005

Ladder 49 isn’t a bad film but I get the feeling it’s more a tribute to firefighters than a full-fledged motion picture.  It all begins with firefighter Jack  (Phoenix) helping rescue a man trapped on the 12^th floor of a burning office building.  The man escapes but the floor collapses on Jack and he falls several floors into an area surrounded by fire and debris.

As the other members of Ladder 49 attempt to rescue him, we see Jack’s life as a firefighter retold through a series of flashbacks.  We see how he first came to join the team and meet his boss and good friend  (Travolta).  We see how he met his wife and the arguments fought over Jack’s dangerous line of work.  We see how bravely he battled other fires and rescued others in life-threatening situations.

I had a fun bet with my cousin about how Ladder 49 would end.  We analysed the film’s trailer and both came to a different conclusion about the fate of Phoenix and Travolta.  I will not divulge this ending but was surprised to find I was wrong in my initial presumption.  A few other audience members were as well.  It all didn’t help me though as I now owe my cousin an expensive dinner.

Joaquin Phoenix is the star of the film and gives a good performance.  John Travolta has equally billing on all the posters and advertisement but is largely in the background.  The majority of the firefighting scenes are suspenseful and well shot by director  .  My qualm came with all the background storylines and subplots.  Jack’s relationship with his wife   is shown but seems clichéd and glossed up.  Jack’s friendship with the other fighters is touched upon but not explored far enough.

When you look back on it, the film’s more like an episode of This Is Your Life.  A series of life highlights which were often unconnected.  This hurt the film emotionally and I wasn’t moved by the gripping conclusion.  I applaud firefighters and their awesome work but this movie doesn’t give their valuable service true justice.