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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 17 July 2003

John Connor (played this time by Nick Stahl) has gone into hiding.  There was no “judgement day” as prophesised by robots from the future but to keep things safe, he doesn’t reveal his true identity and keeps no friends.  This has left his life a shambles and a small drug addiction has developed.

Breaking into a vet surgery to look for drugs, John is caught by Kate Brewster (Danes), who doesn’t initially recognise John but then remembers him as his the young boy she shared her first kiss with in the 9^th grade.  The two have no time to catch up because a powerful female terminator, T-X (Loken), arrives to obliterate them both.

In the nick of time (as it always is), the Terminator (Schwarzenegger) arrives to rescue them.  The previous Terminator was killed at the end of the second movie but this is another model sent from the future to keep John safe.  He reveals that John will marry Kate in the future and together, they will start an importance alliance to save the human race from the deadly machines.  T-X has been sent to eliminate them before they get the chance to do this and only the Terminator can ensure their survival.

The best compliment you can pay a visual effects artist is that you didn’t even notice their work.  That adage applies here and with very few exceptions.  From the major details (such as the opening car chase) to the minor details (such as Arnold’s face), the special effects are well woven.  Director James Cameron loves using visual effects in his works but the Oscar winning director did not direct this film despite making the first two.  The honour here fell to Jonathan Mostow (Breakdown, U-571).  Curiously, Cameron has not made a film since 1997’s Titanic.

Arnie is back where he belongs and throws in some new catchphrases (along with the old favourites) to get the laughs.  Edward Furlong, who starred alongside Schwarzenegger in T2, was asked to return due to his own drug problems.  Upcoming actor Nick Stahl (Bully) got the part and works well with the talented Claire Danes (Romeo & Juliet), who is finally landing some decent roles again.

Filled with predictable close shaves, Rise Of The Machines is still an interesting story which wraps with a well thought out conclusion.  The more serious philosophical issues of man and machines aren’t addressed but this is an action film and I wouldn’t expect anything more.  If you’re looking along those lines, Steven Spielberg’s A.I. will provide a more intellectual perspective.  But if you’re looking for some strong action, here’s a film that will deliver.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 06 July 2003

In an unnamed Latin American country, Augustin Rejas (Bardem) is a decent, modest man who will soon be thrust into the spotlight.  He worked as a lawyer for a short time but found a more honest way of enforcing the law – by becoming a police officer.  His wife and daughter supported his decisions but others could not understand why he would give a lucrative career and a rewarding salary.  Now, the family struggles just to pay the rent.

After a number of terrorist bombings, the chief of police appoints Rejas to lead the investigation.  Signs written in blood start appearing on the streets with the message of “Ezequiel for president” but no one can identify Ezequiel or any members his underground organisation.  Rejas is confused as to why Ezequiel is causing a revolution – he is never seen in public nor has he released a mandate.  It’s suspiciously secretive and this terrorist group has the upper hand.

Time passes and Rejas is no closer to bringing down the network.  He finds comfort in a dance instructor, Yolanda (Morante), who teaches his daughter.  The two spend much time together and the friendship may have developed into something more serious.  Rejas does discuss his work with Yolanda and she becomes one of the few escapes from the pressure he is continually finding himself under.

The love story particularly riveting but Rejas’s hunt for Ezequiel is why everyone should see this movie.  It’s a realistic journey and you actually see the huge effort put into the case by Rejas and his team.  This isn’t a cheap Hollywood plot where one detective knows can ascertain all the answers from a freak clue.  The precisely logical plot of The Dancer Upstairs comes from Nicholas Shakespeare who adapted the screenplay from his own novel.  The film also marks the directorial debut of actor John Malkovich who brings the most of his cast, crew and setting.

Leading the performances is Javier Bardem.  Many will be unfamiliar with this Spanish actor but just two years ago he received an Oscar nomination for his work in Before Night Falls.   His accent is sometimes tricky to understand but he is a talented actor who I’m sure will receive more work outside his home country.  His solemn portrayal of Augustin Rejas holds the story together.

The Dancer Upstairs is very disturbing in places but this only adds to its emotional intensity.  With Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle being the only other cinema release this week, there’s doubt which film is work recommending.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 13 July 2003

The Real Cancun is a documentary which follows eight guys and eight girls over a one week holiday at this tropical location.  I use the term “documentary” because that is how the filmmakers describe their film but if this is a realistic portrayal of actual events then I am a jar of vegemite.  I’m not sure how these 16 cast members were chosen but they certainly weren’t picked at random judging from their tans and incredible good looks.  If everyone who goes on spring break looks and acts like these people, then book us all the next flight.

Reality television shows have been incredibly popular of late but I am blind to their attraction.  I can’t understand how the camera is always in the perfect location and why the characters speak so freely and honestly (as if the cameras didn’t exist).  These unanswered questions plagued my thoughts during every scene of The Real Cancun.  Quite a few people sleep together but they are always conveniently covered by a sheet.  Yeah, right.  Everybody is having an endlessly great time and not a single thing goes wrong nor any event seem uninteresting.  Whatever you reckon Mr. Cameraman.

The advertising for the film is targeting young adults by showing lots of scantily clothed males and females having the time of their lives.  If this ploy has heightened your own interest then save yourself the money because there is very little nudity (to ensure an M rating).  A few quick breast shots but that’s it.  I may sound devious is making reference to this matter but hey, sex is the selling point here and if it doesn’t deliver what it promises, then it deserves to get burned.

The Real Cancun was released in the United States back in April with much attention since New Line Cinema had invested under the presumption that the success of reality TV would translate into the success of reality movies.  In its opening weekend, the film debuted on over 900 screens across the country but grossed a dismal $2.1m to rank in a pathetic 10^th place.  The film was pulled from 70% of these cinemas within a week and after just three weeks had disappeared completely.

It’s easy to speculate on the reasons behind the film’s horrible demise but my own hope is that people have finally brushed off the wool that’s being held over their eyes.  There’s more realism is Star Trek than in some of these reality programs.  The fad is growing tired very quickly and the sooner they get this garbage off the big screen, the sooner I can get back to critiquing films that deserve the effort.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 03 July 2003

For a while, I thought Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle was a soft porn film.  How so?  Well the leading actresses walk around with practically nothing on.  The dialogue in horribly cheesy.  There’s an abundance of sexual innuendo.  There is no plot.  Unfortunately, I soon realised that Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu weren’t going to provide the “money shots” and this left the film in limbo – there’s not enough nudity for it to be a porno but there’s not enough story for it to be a motion picture.

If you’re not a fan of “plots” and you’re seeing this film because of the action factor, you’ll also be disappointed.  The action sequences are filled with outrageously far-fetched special effects and poorly selected body doubles.  The director, known only as McG, shows no creativity in the action moves.  I was bored with the continual backflips and Matrix-like effects after just 5 minutes.

Columbia Tristar produced this junk and used its clout to secure a few cameos.  In a move I cannot explain, John Cleese appears as Liu’s father in a mere handful of scenes.  He does next-to-nothing and why he’d be attracted to the roll dumbfounds me.  Did Columbia put a gun to his head?  It seems the most likely explanation.  The same could be said for Matt LeBlanc and Luke Wilson who reprise their roles from the original as the Angel’s boyfriends.  Tom Green is the only boyfriend who did not return for this film but that’s likely to have something to do with the fact he both married and divorced Drew Barrymore in 2001.  It just wouldn’t work having them both on the set with their “irreconcilable differences”.

One actor who deserves praise is Bill Murray who has not reprised his role as Bosley.  Instead, the character is played American comedian Bernie Mac.  I can’t be too critical of Bernie since I couldn’t understand much of what he said.  He has a new sidekick too – a kid called Max who wins the award for the most useless person in a supporting role.

During the closing credits, we get the now familiar look at all the outtakes.  These aren’t amusing in the slightest and it highlights just how ignorant these actors are.  Just because you are having fun on the set doesn’t necessarily mean your audience will.  The credits close with Diaz, Barrymore and Liu laughing hysterically.  I believe those scenes were shot when the day they received their multi-million dollar pay checks.

Action aside, the film gets really nasty when it goes for the heart-strings.  A sub-plot involves Barrymore leaving the Angels because she doesn’t want her own past jeopardising their lives.  I can put up with bad action but if you’re going to trivialise it with sappy emotional stuff, then that’s the final straw.

I have never seen the Charlie’s Angles television series but I’m positive that it was more interesting that this tripe.  Action is a popular genre but this is pure overkill.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 10 July 2003

The story of Robert Edward Crane epitomises the truth behind Hollywood.  Bob’s career began on the radio and after a number of small roles, landed the part that would make him famous – the title character in Hogan’s Heroes.  The series ran for six seasons between 1965 and 1971 and despite initial controversy, became the success that still sees it screened in syndication today.  With a wife of 15 years, Crane’s career was at its highest point – he was a leading celebrity.

On the set he became friends with a Sony representative named John Carpenter.  Carpenter frequented strip clubs and engaged in sexual orgies.  The film has us believe that the straight shooting Crane was lead into this seedy underworld entirely by Carpenter but I’m sure it wasn’t as black and white.  Soon enough, Crane was picking up girls at clubs and bringing them back to Carpenter’s place for sex.  John Carpenter’s job saw him have the latest in video technology and he used it for his own benefit.  Crane took nude photos of the girls he slept with for his own personal album and Carpenter videotaped the sexual escapades so they could watch it again later.

Crane’s marriage disintegrated but he found a new wife on the set of Hogan’s Heroes.  Once the show finished up, the world was at Crane’s feet but his reputation as a dirty sex-aholic had spread through Hollywood and the roles didn’t come.  His only major role after the show was in Disney’s aptly titled Superdad which flopped at the box-office.  Turning to small theatrical productions to make a living, Crane was murdered in a hotel room in 1978.  Carpenter was suspected for the murder and eventually charged but a lack of evidence led to his exoneration.

Auto Focus scratches the surface on many aspects of Crane’s life but doesn’t dig very deep.  It isn’t a particularly emotion film and doesn’t sufficiently show how dark his life became following Hogan’s Heroes.  We see very little of his wives, his children and his friends and the effect his troubled life had on them.  The film’s “focus” is on the quirky relationship between Crane and Carpenter which begins with interest but tires in its repetitiveness.

Director Paul Schrader certainly has an appreciation for the era as the sets and costumes are remarkable.  Every detail from the couch fabric to Crane’s sunglasses just reeks of 70’s tackiness.  There’s much colour in the film although this symbolically disappears in the final scenes.  Schrader’s no stranger to strong storytelling having written screenplays for Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and American Gigolo but he simply does not generate enough passion for Crane’s character to make Auto Focus interesting.

Once a reporter on a trashy cable TV show, Greg Kinnear shows his worth as a dramatic actor alongside the talented Willem Dafoe.  The make-up artists show their own talent in transforming them from clean-cut gentlemen to sleazy perverts.  You can sense my appreciation for many of Auto Focus’s finer details but the passion, Crane’s story doesn’t fly.