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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 30 January 2003

Fenton Meiks (McConaughey) is sitting and waiting for Agent Wesley Doyle (Boothe).  The two have never met but Adam has some important information to share - he knows who’s responsible for a recent spate of local killings.  It’s Fenton’s own brother, Adam.  Exactly why is Fenton dobbing in his own brother?  Well it’s a long story and he’s about to explain it all to Agent Doyle.

Not yet a teenager, Fenton (O’Leary), his younger brother Adam (Sumpter), and their father (Paxton) lived a standard existence.  Until one morning, the dad awoke with a compelling story to tell.  He had been visited by an angel sent by God.  The angel told him that he had been chosen to destroy “demons” and would soon be given a list of names of people, posing as demons, who needed to be killed.

The influential Adam had no qualms believing his father’s tale but the wiser Fenton did not believe a word.  He feared his father was losing his mind and hoped this fantasy would quickly dissipate.  Not so.  Dad suddenly had a list of seven names and Fenton was soon witness to bloody slayings in their back shed and being forced to dig graves to hide the bodies.

The horror didn’t end.  Fenton was told not to tell anyone or something terrible would happen to the family.  He considered running away but couldn’t leave his brother behind.  He was trapped and his dad was tiring of his reluctance to believe in God’s wishes.  Something had to happen... and it did.  If you put the pieces together, you’ll think you know how this reflection relates to the current situation with Agent Doyle.  But you’d be wrong...

I hadn’t heard of the film prior to last week but Bill Paxton, in his directorial debut, has a dynamite screenplay to work from.  It’s very disturbing and the religious undertone increases the unsettling tension.  Paxton doesn’t shy away from the film’s troubling moments - the killing scenes are particularly gruesome and there’s some upsetting moments that the young Fenton is forced to endure.  His style certainly kept my attention and credit to Paxton, although I’ll admit the direction was a bit rough around the edges.

Paxton also delivers a strong performance.  Matthew McConaughey shares top billing but has a minor role compared with the other cast members.  This was 15-year-old Matthew O’Leary’s first film (as noted in the credits) despite it being the third film I’ve seen him in.  How so?  Well the film is two years old and in the time since, O’Leary’s exposure has seen him feature in Domestic Disturbance and Spy Kids 2.

But the real star is the script and another newcomer, Brent Hanley receives credit for it.  I’m not convinced the rationale is there but it’s still absorbing.  Hanley already has a few other screenplays in the works and I’ll keep one eye open in anticipation of their release.  While we’re all waiting, the opportunity has arrived to see Frailty and with it, an agitatingly creepy thriller.  Believe at your own peril.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 02 January 2003

Rob Schneider seems to be doing just enough to keep in the business.  Relying solely on his childish humour, Schneider has managed to steal from Americans, $65.5m for Duece Bigalow: Male Gigolo and $55.7m for The Animal.  To the Happy Madison production studio, this equals profit and based on this, The Hot Chick was made.

In case you’ve been living in a cave, the concept of a guy and a girl switching places ain’t new.  Jessica (McAdams) thinks she’s one of the most popular girls at school with her cool friends, expensive car and vast wardrobe.  In fact, most everyone hates her snobby persona and would do anything to get back at her.  Clive (Schneider) is a bum with no money.  He’s just robbed a service station for $18 and is on the run from authorities.

In a long-winded series of coincidences (which I won’t bore you with), the two switch bodies.  Jessica wakes up one morning to find she is Clive and vice-versa.  From here, The Hot Chick focuses on Jessica in Clive’s body and little is told of the other tale.  You can pretty much guess the jokes.  If you can’t, just watch the trailer.

Newcomer Rachel McAdams is the only spark in this burnt-out effort.  She plays the snobby rich bitch in a deliberately over-the-top sarcastic style.  Unfortunately for us, little else is seen of her after the first 20 minutes.  As a friend of Schneider, Adam Sandler pops up in a marginally funny role as a weed smoking shop attendant.  Usually, it’s Schneider making the cameo in Adam Sandler’s movies ala The Waterboy, Little Nicky, Big Daddy and Mr. Deeds.

The Hot Chick has the honour of being the first film I’ve seen in 2003.  I’ll probably bring it up again at the end of the year when reflecting back on the year’s… worst.

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Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 23 January 2003

I saw scheduled to see the 12:20pm session of I Spy last Sunday.  To my “surprise”, the cinema and shopping complex had been closed due to a bomb scare.  The police have been unable to identify the perpetrator of this hoax but I fear I may be brought in for questioning in the near future.  You see, I am one of the few people with a motive strong enough to resort to such a gutless tactic.  I was off to see I Spy.

For this screenplay, which I believe was written on three pieces of one-ply toilet paper, Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson are the outspoken boxer, Kelly Robinson, and classy secret agent, Alexander Scott.  Scott has been assigned the mission of tracking down and returning to the United States, a top secret invisible plane which has fallen into the wrong hands.  Gundars (McDowell) is a wealthy Belgian, who also happens to be a huge boxing fan, who is rumoured to be holding a large party as a cover to invite bids on the plane.  Scott needs to get into that party and the agency has arranged for Robinson to team up with Scott to save the day.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.

It’s pitiful at the very best.  The whole story is structured around a predefined conclusion and lame jokes.  Logic takes a back-seat to mayhem.  There are too many examples and I’m too tired to go through them all.  Take my word for it - it’s garbage.  Eddie Murphy’s only made two good movies in the last ten years - Bowfinger and Shrek.  If I was a casting agent, I’d be making sure I watched Showtime, Pluto Nash, Dr. Dolittle, The Nutty Professor, Life, Holy Man, Metro, Vampire In Brooklyn... before making any decision to offer him employment.

I spy with my little eye, an absolute piece of crap.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 02 January 2003

Having seen the film, I can tell you that Mr Grant plays George Wade, a multi-millionaire living in New York City.  His companies, which he owns with his brother, are a city leader in construction.  He lives in a luxurious suite atop The Grand Hotel, which he also owns.  His business success seems inversely related to his romantic successes.  Divorced more than once, he has a habit of hiring female staff purely on looks.  This formula has forced him to let many staff go due to incompetence (but not before sleeping with them).

Ms Bullock is Lucy Kelson, an attorney who likes fighting for social causes.  She’s always performing legal aid but gets little financial reward herself.  Lucy also fights to keep many of New York landmark buildings and save them from demolition.  Most of these buildings have been bought by Wade’s corporations and redeveloped into apartments and other such inferior replacements.

When the local community centre is marked for destruction, Lucy heads to George’s office for a confrontation.  But it so happens, that George has just fired his legal adviser and on his brother’s advice, is looking for someone with intelligence this time.  Two and two come together, George convinces the reluctant Lucy to work for him and in return, he guarantees the community centre will remain intact.

Working for George turns out to be much more demanding than Lucy anticipated.  It’s not that he’s a slave driver, but becomes increasingly reliant on Lucy’s advice for everything.  He’ll call at 2am in the morning for a chat.  He’ll call her out of a best friend’s wedding to ask what clothes he should wear.  He’ll use her to write all his speeches.  It’s a “seven days a week, 18 hours a day” job and something’s gotta give.  So Lucy hands in her two weeks notice and the subliminal romantic tension between them looks set to boil over.

Overall, it’s a bland romantic comedy that is difficult to become deeply involved in.  Despite the obviously intentions to have the audience like him, I found George Wade to be nothing more than a snobby rich playboy.  There’s little leeway in Lucy’s character either – she’s the ultimate nice-girl who we are forced to feel sorry for because her lack of trust has seen her remain single.  It’s very black and white.

As a plus, it is a nice choice of role for Sandra Bullock.  Always criticised (by me), she gives some life to her cardboard character.  The dialogue is written by Marc Lawrence, who has written for Bullock before in Miss Congeniality and Forces Of Nature.  In the director’s chair for the first time, Lawrence makes sure we don’t miss the New York setting with many (probably too many) glorious fly-overs and panoramic background vistas.  If you can’t tell, we’re leaning towards schmaltzy chick-flick territory.  Perhaps the poster might have been more appropriate if it was Bullock was smiling and Grant was disinterested.  A more realistic impression of an audience’s reaction.

Details

Written by Matthew Toomey

Created: 09 January 2003

The enjoyment factor comes from the largely young cast. No adults wasting precious screen time. In addition to our two small heroes, Carmen (Vega) and Juni (Sabara), we have two new kids who serve as their arch rivals, Gary (O’Leary) and Gerti (Osment). It all leads to a more expanded plot with better adventure.

This time around, a powerful weapon known as the transmooker device has been stolen from the president’s grasp. The device can disenable any technological instrument and is a vital tool for anyone wishing to take over the world. Because their father is the head of the OSS, Gary and Gerti are given level 1 priority and the mission to rescue the transmooker. Carmen and Juni aren’t impressed and crack the OSS computer system, swap missions, and head off themselves on this daring assignment.

They travel to a mysterious island inhabited by dangerously mutated animals. There they meet Dr. Romero (Buscemi), the mad scientist responsible for the island’s creatures, but he’s not the man they’re after. Learning they have been deceived, Gary and Gerti soon reach the island themselves and it becomes a battle of two spy teams seeing who can crack the case first. The answer is a lot closer to home than they imagined…

The special effects are second-rate, and the storyline lacks the depth of a Harry Potter, but it’s definitely an action-packed adventure ride that kids will eat up. There’s plenty going on and things are kept funny and simple. It’s like a miniature version of James Bond (without the scantily clad women).

For adults being dragged along by their kids to this movie, Steve Buscemi adds comic relief. He’s funny everytime I see him on screen and whilst this isn’t a film you’ll see in a “best of” collection, it’s vintage Buscemi. There are quite a few second-tier stars that you’ll also recognise but this film is about the kids and they deserve the attention with their youthful fun-loving attitude. Note also that the actress playing Gerti, Emily Osment, is the younger sister of Haley Joel Osment who wowed us in The Sixth Sense and Artificial Intelligence.

With a few weeks of the school holidays remaining, there’s no need to groan too loudly when the kids ask to see Spy Kids 2. You may not be as running up and down the aisle, but at least your kids will.